Online support group for partners?

[Taggart]

Hi, folks.

I strongly suspect that my wife may have BPD (she exhibits and describes most if not all of the characteristics, and grew up as the single child of a single mother with BPD, now estranged). She remains undiagnosed and would likely resist any such diagnosis, given her background. That leaves me feeling very isolated and now despairing of our marriage.

We live in Spain and I am desperately trying to find an online support group that I could attend (on Zoom or Teams or the equivalent). Do you know of any and if so, can you steer me towards them? That would be great. I really need some support and advice before I resort to the inevitable – divorce. Your help and guidance would be most welcome and very gratefully received. Thanks.

Tag

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hello Taggart and

Glad you found us and reached out for some support. Whether the person in your life is diagnosed or not, the behaviors and traits remain extremely challenging, so it's good that you're asking for help with your relationship.

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The National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder, based in the USA, offers free online Zoom support groups called "Family Connections". The BPD/Emotion Dysregulation Program could be a good fit for you; it is important to note this:

Residents outside of the US

We offer courses to residents of the US, Canada & Australia, with some affiliates in other countries. Canadian residents can apply at THE SASHBEAR FOUNDATION and Australian residents can apply at NEABPD AUSTRALIA.  To inquire if there is an affiliate in your country, please email fc@neabpd.org.

You can reach out to them and see if you can join from your location.

There is a significant wait (I believe 7 months in my case) but as long as you get on the waitlist, they will ultimately get you in.

While I don't have experience with the Spanish Association for DBT, so can't speak to their offerings/fit, you could explore that link and perhaps reach out to see if they know of resources.

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In the meantime, just a few questions to understand your relationship a little better:


How long have the two of you been together? Do you have any kids?

When did you start to suspect your W may have BPD (whether at a diagnosable level or not)? And which traits/behaviors would you say are the most difficult for you right now (for example -- blaming you, making suicide threats, impulsive/excessive spending...)

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Fill us in more, whenever works best for you;

kells76

[Taggart]

Hi, Kells. Thanks. I’ll try the link. What I’m finding most frustrating is the a) frequency, intensity, drama, and duration of arguments over seemingly nothing, b) the gaslighting (lack of responsibility taking and blaming me for my responses, c) the attempts to stop me communicating any of these issues with family and friends, d) the frustration surrounding wanting to share everything with my wife, including discussions about possible mental ill -health but being discouraged from doing so and concern that I will not be able to handle an unchanged situation such that a peaceful and contented marriage will be possible. We’re married less than 18 months and together less than 3 years with no kids. I started noticing the unhelpful patterns very early in our relationship and we are already into our second round of couples therapy.