I don’t know how to navigate

[Holaitzchica]

My husband has BPD along with PTSD and generalized anxiety he has been struggling with suicidal ideation lately and I am struggling with how to properly help him and support him especially since I feel like I need support myself because I don’t know what I’m doing but I am doing my best

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi there Holaitzchica, glad you found us, and welcome 

When we have a loved one or family member with BPD, as much as they need help, we need support, too. This group has been a good resource for me for nearly 10 years -- having members here who really "got it", and being able to post and share here any time 24/7, has been a lifesaver. It's wise of you to take time and support for yourself.

Can I ask, how long have the two of you been married? Do you have any kids at all?

When your H has suicidal ideation, does he express that verbally, or with actions? If verbally, what kinds of things does he say, and how have you typically responded? Is he open to contacting a suicide hotline?

I just recommended a couple of support groups to another member, so I'll share those here with you, too:

One great resource for a non-anonymous support group is the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder, which runs the free Family Connections Program. It typically runs 12 weeks online (there are some shorter versions) and when I attended (due to my husband's kids' mom) I found it very helpful and understanding. There is a waitlist; my wait was ~7 months, so I'd recommend signing up now for sure. If your H also struggles with suicidality, they have a Managing Suicidality & Trauma Recovery Program that may have a shorter waitlist. (edited to add: that class is designed for when your child, not spouse, is suicidal, but it could be worth trying)

Another resource is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which offers free support groups either virtually or in person in the USA. While I haven't participated in their offerings, and they're not BPD-specific, I have heard they are reputable and well regarded.

It must weigh on you so much that he already struggles with BPD/PTSD/GAD and is now having suicidal ideation. I just really feel you when you say you're doing your best 

I'm curious if you have a therapist or counselor for yourself right now? For me, even though it's not my husband with BPD (it's his kids' mom who has many traits/behaviors), I've still needed a therapist, because the BPD dynamics still get into our family system and it can be overwhelming. I've needed that support, and I hope you can find a T if you haven't already.

Looking forward to hearing more from you;

kells76

[Holaitzchica]

We are going on 4 years married he’s really the other half of my heart and even though sometimes the days are hard it’s completely worth it to see his face light up on the good days he brings so much joy and love to my life. He does verbally say it but he also shows it through actions I usually respond with love and reassurance. I tell him how much I love him and how much I need him here it feels so selfish but it’s the truth. I try to remind him of our plans and goals and the fun things. He is not open to a hotline he gets very worked up if it is suggested he’s afraid of being taken away he is afraid of inpatient care (we had a terrible experience two years ago) I don’t currently have a therapist I’m open to the idea of one but I have struggled with that most of my life and am still coming to terms and working on myself to feel comfortable with that idea. It’s easy to talk to a page on the internet that talks back to me but I find it difficult to sit in a room and do the “how are you tell me about your feelings” thing I will certainly check out the other resources you shared I can not put into words how much I love him and want him to feel better I wish I could pick him up all 230 pounds of him and hold onto him and rub some happy off in the process when my mom used to tell me she wished she could take my hurt and make it go away I laughed but I get it now because I wish I could take his. We don’t have human children just fur babies (3 dogs) who we both treat as children for the most part one is special needs so she’s really the baby and we often take her everywhere we go and she sleeps with us we can’t have human babies so that isn’t in our cards.