Looking down and mumbling

[dtkm]

Does anyone know why pwBPD can’t look at important people in their lives when they are splitting?  I have noticed this with my H and with my friends NPDexh. Tonight for example, he was dropping the kids off at home with me (he is currently not allowed in our house) after having the kids for a couple of hours. He text me he was here, so I went outside to meet him and get the kids. I said “hi”, he immediately looks down at the ground and ignores me. My s7 gets out of the car gives him a hug and runs into the house seeming off. My d4 yells she needs help to get out of the car and he tell her not to yell, lets her out she runs into the house seeming off. My h hands me the kids stuff, but can’t look at me and just mumbles. I tell
him that I hope that he has a good night, same thing, he looks down to the ground and mumbles “you too”. This is how it has been every time he picks the kids up or drops the kids off. It’s so strange to me. He also does this when out at kids events, another parent will try to interact with him and he looks to the ground and doesn’t really respond. Maybe it’s their way of keeping the conversation brief so they can get out of there?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Under The Bridge]

Does anyone know why pwBPD can’t look at important people in their lives when they are splitting?

Their emotions will be running wild during splitting and their BPD causes them to run away from problems rather than face them, so they literally turn their face away from you. They're probably feeling shame and guilt deep down too, which also makes them not want to face you.

My ex would never look at me while I tried to soothe her outbursts - I can remember trying to talk to her and she would just be staring off to one side. On rare occasions I was able to talk her round and she'd then look at me again but it didn't happen very often.

It's nothing you're doing wrong, it's just a part of their illness that makes them withdraw.

[seekingtheway]

I think this is a pretty common thing to happen in all human interaction when one person is not feeling at ease. It's protective in a sense, because eye contact requires full engagement in the moment, and that can be very hard if someone is dysregulated. I'm not sure it would be specific to BPD. I know I sometimes do this too. I can go into myself when there's something off balance internally.