Daughter with bpd traits, we are struggling

[MaternallTired]

We have four children. She is our youngest,age 17. She was adopted at birth, biological she is my niece. Her bio mother, my sister has bpd, bi polar and developmental delays.

She was difficult as a young child. Tantrums that lasted hours, turned the house upside down, broke things, threw things, struggled in school. She has always pushed boundaries and broke rules, disrespectful to her parent and teachers.

As her mother I want to help her. She doesn’t want help. Everything I say is twisted negativly. She refuses counseling. Calls me a narcissis. Her words are cutting. I get reactive.

She wants out of our home. I am terrified of what will happen to her if she leaves. .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders