Navigating end of relationship with partner who fears self-reflection

[BBex]

Hi everyone, I’m a man in my late 50s who recently left my wife after a long relationship. We’re not young, and the situation came to a head about a week ago when the verbal abuse escalated to the point where it had become intimidation. I’ve recently done a lot of therapy to address my own complex PTSD, which has helped me understand myself and my boundaries better. I hoped that by working on myself, I could support her to do the same. But when things turned intimidating, I realised that staying wasn’t an option. I offered to pay for her to have therapy, but she decided it was better to end things. I believe in facing the truth, even when it’s hard, but my wife is terrified of looking inward and flat-out refuses to believe anything is wrong. It’s clear that we both love each other but can’t continue like this. Thanks for reading.

[Me88]

I've seen that even with therapy, a lifetime of bad habits is hard to change. Especially when they fear accountability and shame. My exwBPD was in individual therapy for years and years before us meeting. Was in it during our relationship too. All I heard was that her therapist felt bad she had to 'deal' with me. Whatever that means. All she continued to look for and get, were more prescription medications. I attended with her for 'couples counseling' and her therapist agreed with everything I had said. Which she didn't like.

Good for you for being in therapy though. It isn't easy, but with proper deep work it can be great.