does she dislike me or is her guard up? - please help

[once removed]

as anxious as you may feel right now, you also sound a great deal more centered.

the uncertainty is killing me. I struggle not knowing what is going to happen and that causes anxiety. plus I feel fear of losing what I love most and I am sad

all of these, or any one of them alone, are hard.

yet youre able to articulate your feelings. youre able to sit with them without acting/or reacting. you have the presence of mind to be able to say "this is hard, and i need help with it".

all of that is emotional regulation in practice.

and what youre practicing right now, gives you real, lasting power, over when/if it happens in the future.

I have read that some characterises of BPD are, fear of abandonment, feelings of emptiness, difficulty with emotional regulating and reckless behaviours. why is it now that I am experiencing all of these symptoms?

these are things that everyone experiences sometimes, to lesser or greater degrees, especially in times of stress, uncertainty, heartache. people with bpd, or other personality disorders, or impulse disorders, just experience them more often, and to greater extremes. have you experienced them before?

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[stevemcduck]

as anxious as you may feel right now, you also sound a great deal more centered.

all of these, or any one of them alone, are hard.

yet youre able to articulate your feelings. youre able to sit with them without acting/or reacting. you have the presence of mind to be able to say "this is hard, and i need help with it".

all of that is emotional regulation in practice.

and what youre practicing right now, gives you real, lasting power, over when/if it happens in the future.

these are things that everyone experiences sometimes, to lesser or greater degrees, especially in times of stress, uncertainty, heartache. people with bpd, or other personality disorders, or impulse disorders, just experience them more often, and to greater extremes. have you experienced them before?

Thanks guys

Yes I guess through my life I have experienced these emotions but never like this. I have been through quite a few breakups but this one has hit the hardest without doubt.

I am trying my best to focus on what I can control. and am aware I can't control the relationship.

I guess one of my issues in that I'm aware that I struggle to just let things be. I always need to know in myself what my plan is. I think when I asked the question, "should I just try to move on now or would you recommend giving a certain about of time and then try reaching out again?" was so that im my mind I could have clarity, for example if the recommendation is to move on and if I get a relay, great. or maybe try in a month. that would help me get an idea in my head of what im going to do and would help with anxiety as I would then know what I was going to do. im just struggling with that choice in my own mind right now.

does that make sense?

[once removed]

the idea right now is to achieve two things:

1. by not reacting, or following up, you send a very strong signal of calm and cool that looks attractive.

you want to hear from her, understandably, but shes also likely surprised she hasnt heard from you. and not in a way where she thinks youre supposed to contact her, because you put the ball squarely in her court. if shes expecting you to plea for her, or for you to lash out at her, and neither of those things happen, it looks like real change.

2. letting her get back to baseline.

for her to calm down, and not be in reactive mode herself.

it is not "bad" that she hasnt reached out yet. it means shes using the time to get back to baseline, rather than lash out at you, and rather than tell you "its over".

if the recommendation is to move on and if I get a relay, great. or maybe try in a month.

so for now, i would continue to do nothing.

why? because its highly likely she will reach out when shes ready. youre not just going to never hear from her again. theres too much unfinished business.

sure, if a week or more goes by, it might be a good idea at that point to reach out again, depending on how you go about it. you dont just want to let things sit forever.

but right now, as hard as it is to sit with the uncertainty, youre approaching this right, and doing the right thing.

[stevemcduck]

thank you.

well I'm day 3 now so I will give it another week and then if I hear anything or not I will be back for some advice.

thank you so much guys