Mentally Abusive 22 year old son on a daily help

[Momof3-74]

Hi I have an adult son who on a daily sends me messages that he wishes I was dead that I had cancer he hates our cat hates his sisters but doesn’t want help.When he was 19 he did want help he tried to hang himself took him to er was placed on a 72 hour hold then was on hold for around 19 days went from 5150 to 5250 hold.Was place on meds he was fine this was in March 2022.Around end of the year he started with the evil messages the yelling screaming you name it.So in March 2024 I was at work and he said he seen something come out of his closet.That his older sister was doing witch craft in her room all this crazy stuff.So I came home and took him to hospital again he was admitted stayed another 2 weeks.Came out was fine.Now all he does is stay in his room has no friends locally.I hear him chatting with people on FaceTime plays games.But he never comes out only to shower.Also he never has ate at home only when he was younger.Always wants fast food which is very expensive.Has never had a job because he was diagnosed with bpd ocd major depression anxiety you name is .When he was a boy I noticed he was different but I avoided drs because I was hoping he would out grow this behavior and I didn’t want him on meds at such a young age.He spent his years in special ed.He is very anti social never wanted to participate in holidays always stayed home.But now all he talks about that he is god that he is the devil all this crazy stuff.So I told him enough take your medicine or you are going to hospital.So he started taking Zoloft again.I am 51 years old I can’t go anywhere because I’m afraid that he will do something crazy.I can’t live I feel like I’m loosing my mind.This mental abuse is taking a toll on me.The other day he broke some lights in his room and took off.Comes back like nothing.Called the cops the other day when he threatened to hurt me but they couldn’t do anything unless he physically hurt me or himself so they were no help.Can all you reading this pray for my son, he’s not well.I don’t want to loose my son to this help.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Notwendy]

My first thought when reading this is that this is more than classic BPD. Maybe BPD is a part of it but some of his delusions and behaviors are more than BPD. It could help to have him get another evaluation. I don't know how much influence you have over him being evaluated, as he is an adult. I hope he would agree to this.

With his history of being in special education classes- if he is intellectually delayed, he may need a legal guardian- which you could possibly be for him and then you can consent to him being evaluated if he did not. He may need a different medication or dose. If he is already being seen by mental health, perhaps you can get another opinion or ask his counselor for a re-evaluation if it has been a while. 

If you are in the US and his functioning as an adult is impaired, he may be eligible for social security disability. Depending on his diagnosis- there may be additional resources available. I don't know but the first start is to get an evaluation, including his intellectual functioning.

If he does get evaluated, speak up for yourself as well. You love him but this is a difficult situation for you. This board is helpful too but you may benefit from individual counseling and also if there are any in person support groups for parents in these situations.

[GaGrl]

NotWendy, I had the same thought. The delusions, hallucinations, paranoid thoughts are indicative of more than BPD. There are mental conditions that appear in the 20s -- your son should be evaluated so that he is on the right and best medication.

[CC43]

Hi Mom,

Boy you've had it rough.  I'm sorry that nothing you do seems to be enough in getting your son the help he really needs.  Though he might have BPD, anxiety, and/or depression, the hallucinations and crazy thoughts don't really sound like BPD, and it could be something else.  It's possible to have multiple conditions at once, with the symptoms of different conditions emerging at different times.

I think it is possible for BPD to involve delusions and paranoia which can emerge under extremely stressful situations, but what you describe just doesn't sound like "typical" BPD delusions, at least in my limited experience.  I can't help but wonder if drugs might be provoking the hallucinations.

Are you able to get any help for yourself?  What does your self-care routine look like?  I understand you're probably at your wits' end and might feel you don't have any time, money or energy (physical or mental) to do something for yourself.  When I was at my wits' end, I would try walking in nature, if only for five minutes.  Somehow that helped me to re-center and re-set, and  keep looking forward, one day at a time.