Feeling resentful at just how selfish BPD is , tired of the me, me, me dynamic!

[Our abuse recovery guide]

  I just feel like having an offload  to people who understand just how tiring it is living with someone with BPD. I live with my elderly father who has petulant BPD and at times it is absolutely exhausting. He is 81 years old and although I know he is ill and cannot help the way he behaves today I feel resentful at just how selfish this disorder is. I understand why he  acts the way he does, but  sometimes its a struggle validating thoughts and feelings that more often than not have no logic  behind them. Everything is all about him, how hard done by he is, how his ailments and health problems are unique and not comparable to anyone else's. He has always been completely obsessed with his health and body and it is all he ever talks about. He has no gauge or empathy for anyone and admits to not giving a damn about anyone but himself and our dog. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be in your own me, me, me bubble. I feel guilty because I am a caring person but sometimes I find myself imagining the peace and relief that I will feel when he passes away. I know that I am not alone and I often think about all of the people around the world who are in the same boat. Having to constantly read the room, having to say sorry just to keep the peace and make your day manageable,  the list goes on and on. I have so much respect for anyone who has BPD and who takes responsibility for their mental heath not only for themselves but for those close to them. Sadly for many of us we have to try and normalize the situation at home because most people don't understand this terrible disorder. I feel much better for writing my thoughts down, although it doesn't change the situation. It is a difficult balance when you are empathetic not to get drawn into their drama and any tips on how to do this would be much appreciated. I make sure that I have time out, and I implement self care but its the psychological element that's needed to keep a degree of detachment from the situation. I know grey rocking would worsen the situation but maybe there are some tips that may help.  I  send my love to everyone out there who  is experiencing the same and a big THANKS to  BPD family for all that they do for us.  

[Red Admiral]

  I just feel like having an offload  to people who understand just how tiring it is living with someone with BPD. I live with my elderly father who has petulant BPD and at times it is absolutely exhausting. He is 81 years old and although I know he is ill and cannot help the way he behaves today I feel resentful at just how selfish this disorder is. I understand why he  acts the way he does, but  sometimes its a struggle validating thoughts and feelings that more often than not have no logic  behind them. Everything is all about him, how hard done by he is, how his ailments and health problems are unique and not comparable to anyone else's. He has always been completely obsessed with his health and body and it is all he ever talks about. He has no gauge or empathy for anyone and admits to not giving a damn about anyone but himself and our dog. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be in your own me, me, me bubble. I feel guilty because I am a caring person but sometimes I find myself imagining the peace and relief that I will feel when he passes away. I know that I am not alone and I often think about all of the people around the world who are in the same boat. Having to constantly read the room, having to say sorry just to keep the peace and make your day manageable,  the list goes on and on. I have so much respect for anyone who has BPD and who takes responsibility for their mental heath not only for themselves but for those close to them. Sadly for many of us we have to try and normalize the situation at home because most people don't understand this terrible disorder. I feel much better for writing my thoughts down, although it doesn't change the situation. It is a difficult balance when you are empathetic not to get drawn into their drama and any tips on how to do this would be much appreciated. I make sure that I have time out, and I implement self care but its the psychological element that's needed to keep a degree of detachment from the situation. I know grey rocking would worsen the situation but maybe there are some tips that may help.  I  send my love to everyone out there who  is experiencing the same and a big THANKS to  BPD family for all that they do for us.  

[Notwendy]

Yes, I agree, this is emotionally taxing, and living with him- you have a lot of contact with this.

It's known that adult children in a caretaker position for an elderly parent are at risk of burn out- even if the relationship has been a good one. BPD makes this more challenging. The common advice for them is to find some way to get respite from this and how to take care of themselves too.

I don't know what you are doing for yourself already but if you reach out to social services- there may be options for you- possibly some adult day care centers. Some respite options.

I don't know what resources your father has or what arrangements he's made with you. If he doesn't have much financial resources, he may be eligible for Medicaid ( if you are in the US). In some states this may cover some home health, and it does assist with nursing home care. Make sure you have POA and are able to access his resources in the case he isn't able to manage them himself.

I am not suggesting you send him to a nursing home. People think families can do that but they can't. For someone to be in a nursing home, they'd have to medically qualify. At the moment, it doesn't sound like he does and maybe he will never need that option, but I think it helps to know what is available, what he can afford- if it's assisted living, aides at home, or nursing home if his situation changes and his needs are more than you can manage on your own.

On your part, it's important you get out of the house for a bit - get some exercise, do some self care- in this situation.