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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Possible charm, sorta wrecked me  (Read 84 times)
Me88
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 75


« on: July 29, 2025, 10:26:40 AM »

I've done my absolute best to stay no contact and have not once reached out to her. It's been 7 months and I hoped I would have been a lot stronger by now. I've stayed busy and therapy has really helped. So has reading all of the usual recommended books.

I got a strange email yesterday, sent as a request in Microsoft Teams at work. It was from her, and apparently I own some group in there. I have no idea what it is and it hasn't been active for years. It's apparently a calendar group for project coordinators, where they can reserve certain rooms/clinic rooms for their project.

1. She is no longer a coordinator, therefore she has no access to PHI and cannot request room usage for anyone.
2. She included some new guy coordinator as needing access as well.
3. Even when she WAS a coordinator before I got her her new job, she never wanted access to this group.
4. If this was truly about work only, there are over a dozen other coordinators in that section who DO NOT have access and if she's able to request it on behalf of the new person, it would make sense for her to do so for them as well. NOT include herself who has no need/use/ability to utilize the scheduling.

My birthday is Next Monday and this all seems out of nowhere. I know she's the type of person who says she liked to remain friends with exes. Not me. And she's the kind of person who is of the mindset 'enough time has gone by, things have sort of settled, I assume all is well/forgiven/ok'. I don't imagine there is any real intent here other than to see if I respond, or if there is any crack still open, or just as a reminder she exists in my orbit.

Her job and my job have no shared duties or need to work together and she knows that. Seeing her name, and the request for access really made me feel nauseous and just wrong all day yesterday. I just clicked accept for both requests and removed myself as the administrator of that group as I have zero responsibility there, cannot use the system, and cannot see patient PHI either as there is no 'need to know'.

Healing really isn't linear. I am praying there are no birthday surprises. Both options suck: if she reaches out pretending to be kind and caring, I'll die inside. If she doesn't, my nerves will be a wreck already anyways and I'll just be reminded that I'm out of sight out of mind and replaced.  Frustrated/Unfortunate (click to insert in post)
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Me88
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 75


« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2025, 10:36:39 AM »

I typed possible charm in the title. Unsure how that corrected to 'charm'.
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Me88
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 75


« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2025, 10:43:22 AM »

can we not use the word h-o-o-v-e-r anymore?
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