Looking for suppot and give support

[Induetime]

I am new to the group. My spouse has BPD.  I thought for a long time that he had NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). They both have similar behaviors.   As hard as it was, I finally accepted that my marriage of over 30 years is over.  He has put us in a tight financial bind..not the first time.  I love him dearly and always will. However, he doesn't take responsibility or accountability for his actions. He deflects, shift-blames, and gaslights when I try to express things that we need to work on in the marriage.  I am currently in counseling. I've mentioned individual counseling to him, but he refuses. There isn't anything more I can do.  I am in the process of grieving my marriage... It's pretty tough, and I am healing from past trauma.  Is there anyone who can relate?  I've come a long way, but I'm still a work in progress.   

[seekingtheway]

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the boards.

Although my relationship with my ex was much shorter than(3 years), I can relate to what you're saying and the emotions that you are no doubt feeling at this time. It's very hard to realise and know that a relationship with someone that you love dearly can't work because of factors that are simply outside of your control.

30 years is a long time, and the process of grieving will no doubt be one that will take time. There's something about the decision to end a relationship that does make us look at our old trauma and deal with that at the same time, and it can be a brutal time. I can 100% relate to that part, and I'm still sifting through all the rubble of that process, but happy to say that I'm finding peace on the other side of it.

If there's anything else you'd like to share with us about your relationship or experience of coming to the conclusion it has to end, please feel free. We're here to listen and support.