Hello guys, I am 20 my partner with bpd is 21. We are both students and we do not live together. We have been in this relationship for 2 years. I was not perfect at the start of the relationship, and this was the first relationship I have been in. So I have lied about past people I have flirted with, There were times I was not present during an important time. Which is devastating but has happened over a year ago. I typed this description for context.
You would expect this relationship to be a typical bpd relationship that I have seen online. A lot of splitting, each tiny thing becoming a reminder to her that I do not value her. This is fine I am used to this, but not as patient as one would want to.
One thing she does is do these tests, and ultimatiums that are impossible to pass. Such as: Delete our posts: (If I do, I do not value her, If I don't I want her miserable and I still do not value her). As you would expect this is her throwing a fit. I have recently learned the best way to navigate through the emotional roller coaster is to not get in it. I let her throw her fit until she is calm. So likewise, if she starts berating me again about the way she is feeling because it is my fault, I just let her know that I am sorry for making her feel that way. Note: Yes I do know that is not enough to validate someone in general, but in this case when I do show affections I am replied with a "Whatever makes you feel better, What's wrong with you, You are full of
PLEASE READ".
Now more so than ever I am just expecting a split and just follow the routine of apologizing until she becomes calm. But I believe she has seen through this pattern and is doing more self destructive ultimatums to which I assume is to get a reaction. I have done my research and having a reaction, or defensive reaction is a way that they can validate their bad feeling. So just today she had a feeling because I showed affection and worry to out cat, and she took that as I do not show the same affection to her. I would then do my usual routine, and she responds with "what is a sorry gonna do?" and then she proceeds with saying. "I will take my ex up on his offer to smoke" and is basically threatening me to get out of her life or she will
PLEASE READ him. I then respond with something like: I love you, I care about you, If you do not think I do then tell me, please do not just try to get a reaction from me to confirm that. I would then be told to
PLEASE READ off and told delete my
PLEASE READ or Ill
PLEASE READ my ex. I don't know what else to add here aside from the fact I did not blow up or show frustration (which was always the way I would react until recently). Why does not giving a violent reaction a sign of not caring? I did before and it was proof that I don't care either way. I'm choosing a peaceful way to talk but it is seen as a pussy way to handle her. Feel free to ask more questions about my scenario
