I’m just trying to love my child and let my side of my family love my child

[Resilientfather]

I have a 4 month old son, my partner and co parent will not stop trying to fight me, we’ve had to go to mediation, I’ve tried setting boundaries, and she just won’t stop trying to fight me and my loving family who will support her and love her no matter what, what do I do!? Showering her with kindness and support won’t work, giving her facts won’t work, being kind and supportive to my 4 month old son won’t work either, help me I love my son and I just don’t want him to learn this behavior and learn it for himself, I want him to have empathy like me

[ForeverDad]

Many have sought answers for how to deal with a partner who now displays Borderline traits and behaviors (pwBPD) and we are glad to provide what support, strategies and approaches that have proven helpful over the years.  We have a vast array of hard-won "been there, experienced that" collective wisdom that are more likely to succeed.

That said, take a few breaths.  This might be worked out to some extent in mediation but there are deep issues with the mother of your child that will persist in the years to come.  Your focus, if not already, needs to be on the best - or least bad - outcome for your child.

Could you share a bit of what triggered this split?  Likely there were little signs in the past but now that you two have become three they've exploded into this major discord.

About going to mediation... this is a good first step.  Better now to get some professionals to step in.  A pattern we see often is that the other no longer see us as an authority and so The Real Authority - family court - has to step in.  However, often family court is a bit passive.  That's because it doesn't try to "fix" people (a concept you may have to accept) but instead sets court orders (boundaries) so basic rules are followed.

If therapy or counseling is mentioned, that is a good idea, more so for her but you can benefit too.  Be aware pwBPD traits are prone to oppose therapy but any amount of therapy is better than none.