13 months since breakup update

[Jeff26]

Hey everyone,

I haven't posted in some time.

I have been getting on the message boards here and there when I felt that I needed some support and it has been of help to me.

I'm going to resist the urge to rant too much.

I just wanted to share what I've noticed and where I'm at over a year later.



I am doing alright for the most part, my mental health has grown stronger and I do not have the same feelings of wanting to get back with her.

I still love her, I can say that truthfully. But a year later and I can also say  I don't desire to be with her.

I still think about a sliver of hope for us from time to time but it's becoming rare.


I don't check up on social media as much, although I did snoop a little today out of curiosity.

She is still with the new guy; they have been talking for about a year now. (We broke up January 2nd 2016 and she started talking to him publicly in feb of 2016)

Her Facebook  relationship status still reads  "in a relationship with (my replacement)"  but there is still no date of when the relationship started (she made a point to add a date to our "relationship status" but obviously doesn't desire for that info to be public with the new guy.

She changed her profile picture exactly a year after we broke up to a picture of her and him celebrating New Years. (Only got 40 likes for the picture, a far cry from the 100+ she usually gets for her profile pictures)

She just quit her steady job that she has had for over a year  and opted for a pyramid-scheme type, work from home selling make-up, self employed business.


Her Facebook status use to say "Blessed" for the past 9months. She was never religious and actually hated religion, but the new guy has a cross tattoo and his parents are religious so I'm sure she put that up to be accepted.

Now where it once said "blessed" she changed it to a quote from her new business endevour. Something about being uplifting and motivating... .blah blah blah, a total farce. And then it says "self-empoyed" and employed is spelled without the L. Again, odd because she was a grammar nazi while I was with her, that is something I would have known her to spell check (being that it is her public profile header)

She has never reached out to me. It's been 13months. That's pretty crazy to think about.

And she is still actively liking pretty much everything that my replacement posts. Which is fine, just an observation while trying to figure out what shape their relationship is in based on the little amount of info I can get off Facebook.



I got a nice little emotional lift once I saw that she quit her steady job;

It was honestly the first sign of validation for me that she follows the same patterns that I read about on this message board.


When her and I were together, she had a steady job.
11 months into our relationship, she quit her steady job and started selling Tupperware and other kitchen products for a pyramid-scheme type business.

I can remember that her quitting her steady job was the telling time when our relationship started falling apart.

She ended up getting another steady job about 2 months after that, which was about a month before we broke up.


Now she just quit that job (about 11 months into her new relationship) and is yet again taking a swing at selling make-up for a pyramid-scheme type business.



I don't know if I'm happy, sad, or basically indifferent about this new info that I snooped for on Facebook. But I will say that it's a bitter-sweet validation to finally see the first sign that she isn't suddenly a new person with the replacement.

Now I'm not counting on anything and I really don't care much, but if she now breaks it off with him after quitting her job, then dyes her hair, and finds another steady job... .I will be sure to post about the patterns that I observe.



On a bright note; it does get better and easier after a year. I've grown as a person and I feel like I've made the correct choices along the way. If you're reading this, just know that it does get easier.

Thoughts of her have not left my head, but they have lost as much meaning and are less frequent.

[once removed]

hey Jeff26, good to see you back 

what sort of things have you been doing over this time to rebuild your life?

[Heldfast]

Jeff: Sounds a lot like what I went through or was still going through at month 13. I snooped for validation, and got it. It was the closest thing I'd get to real closure. How are you doing? What are you doing now for yourself? I wish you well, keep going in your recovery. More time, more healthy pursuits, and you just kind of get there one day, where you realize the opportunities of the world are better than that sliver of hope you describe. Good luck.

[gettingoverit]

Hey,
I think it may be in your best interest to stop checking out her Facebook account and then over analyzing what each of her posts mean. That sh*t can drive you crazy. The sooner you go NC (this includes checking out FB), the sooner you will find your interest in her and what she is or isn't doing start to diminish. Take care man.