New here — navigating my husband’s new BPD diagnosis

[driftedmind]

Hi everyone. I’m new here and this is my first time posting. I’m 27, and I’m trying to navigate my husband’s newly confirmed BPD diagnosis. I feel really alone because most people in my life keep telling me to just leave him. The hardest part is knowing that, if I were on the outside looking in, I probably would’ve said the same thing. But seeing him struggle and genuinely be in pain is breaking my heart, and I’m trying to understand all of this while also protecting myself.

I married my husband eight months ago, and we’re currently separated due to infidelity. This isn’t the first time, although right now it has only been online. The situation has left me heartbroken. I can see how much he’s hurting internally, but he continues to hurt himself and me in the process, and he’s now strained his relationships with my entire family.

For the first time in our five years together, he has started taking steps to change. He recently sought individual therapy, and we’re also in couples counseling. Last week, our couples therapist told me that he is definitely on the BPD spectrum. He doesn’t know this yet, he’s supposed to find out tomorrow.

I’m worried about how he’ll react and what our path will look like from here. Part of me thinks he might be more receptive than many are at first because we briefly talked about the possibility a couple of months ago when everything started to unravel. He rejected the idea initially, but after reading a little, he said some things resonated with him. We eventually dropped it so the professionals could guide him without us planting anything in his mind.

I’m hoping he’s able to accept the diagnosis and get the help he needs. I love him deeply, and I recognize the pain and trauma he carries. But I also don’t want to lose myself in the process. I want a family someday, one that’s stable and loving, and I want my husband to be someone who feels proud of himself and capable of real happiness.

I’m hopeful for him, but I’m also terrified of what our future might look like depending on how he responds tomorrow.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.