Hi, I found this site today and hopefully can get advice . I have a sibling with undiagnosed BPD and is aware of it because they have bought up the conversation multiple times themselves but still refusing to get proper help with it . For some background information they are 8 years older than me . We both grew up in an emotional unstable household and constant fighting and stress . If I’m being honest with my very early memories i remember them always being mean to me . Around the age 5-6 i remember them always hitting me when sleeping in our moms bed and when we got older and
they became a teenager it was almost like they wanted nothing to do with me and would make fun of the things I did and judge me for the things I liked . Once I was in middle school they had graduated and only continued to still have a nasty attitude towards me but then once I started to hang out with other people and stopped trying to make a relationship with them they got mad and got into a fight with the person I was hanging out with and then accused them of trying to take me away from them and then threw it in my face and said I was the reason they got into a fight . Throughout my teenage years I never once remembered ever being able to go to them with any of my issues like most younger siblings should be able too . Flash forward a few years later and things never stopped . They would start random arguments with me and would range from them accusing me of being the worse person and not caring about them etc etc and given I was 19 at this time and still didn’t stand up for myself because they made it hard to bring anything to their attention and then they would apologize and say I’m the best person ever and the cycle would continue and it started to play heavy on my self esteem. Over time they basically burner bridges with most of her relationships with people them always somehow being the problem and then they started attaching themselves to me and suddenly wanted to go places I was going and wanting to join me on trips I would plan with my friends and basically self invite themselves and it felt like I couldn’t tell them no not to come because then they would accuse me of not wanting to hang out with them and it was crazy because you suddenly wanted to be involved in everything I did because they themselves no longer had friends . Flash forward now and as I’ve worked on my mental health and getting better for myself it feels like things are getting weirder. I’m currently making my career and school my priorities in life and working meanwhile when they were my age I am now they were the complete opposite and treated people terribly me and my mother included and call me crazy but I feel like they have now developed this jealousy towards me and sometimes feel like they’re throwing subliminals towards me in certain conversations . I do feel they are jealous of my relationships given they don’t have any long term relationships themselves anymore and recently they accused me of some of the most ridiculous things and was projecting very very very heavily onto me . It’s reached a point now where I no longer have the energy to enable this cycles and when I finally held them accountable they still somehow switched the conversation and made them the victim and honestly I’m done. Once again like I mentioned they were offered help and in the process of it but then stopped , they’ve had therapist drop them because of how they talk to them and still blamed the therapist. I don’t have any more patience and so tired of feeling like I’m always the villain to them but the hero when convenient. I feel like either option is going to be painful , option one is me holding them accountable about how I don’t feel their apologies are sincere because you continue the behavior and going forward think there needs to be boundaries put in my place for me to continue having a relationship with you but I know that’s gonna turn into an argument somehow as they’re gonna tell me to live my life then and forget about them and option two is only dealing with them at a distance but either option I know is going to trigger an argument and I can’t do it it anymore . I’m over the tunnel vision and them only acknowledging parts of things I told them they have done and to be honest I feel that’s why there’s real easy way out because a big issue is them continuing what is starting to feel like borderline emotional abuse at this point and then apologizing but like I said I don’t even believe their apologies anymore and how am I gonna be able to even bring up their behavior without once again an argument starting and them justifying their behavior. They’ve burned bridges with other people and me witnessing first hand how they still didn’t really care and justified it lets me know they’re never going to take full accountability. Please help with any advice
even writing this I’m still scared they’ll somehow come across it and throw it in my face . It’s bringing so much stress to my life
