Using security cameras to turn tables

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have heard about many cases in which security cameras have saved men from dangerous women during the process of divorce. This is a well-documented example in which his wife clearly shows classic BPD symptoms:

Video: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/WMvumzmdxAA

But what's the recommended approach to using cameras inside our home when you have a BPD wife?

Should we ask for an agreement and install the cameras gradually, one by one, making sure she is comfortable with them?

My wife has agreed, and I bought one camera some time ago, but I haven't installed it yet. I told her that it would be for her to see herself. That's true; I want her to get some self-insight from video feedback. But I am not sure if that will make her feel any regret.

I have already shown her some footage from my cell phone, and she didn't have anything to comment on about it. But she was specifically interested in one thing: her own facial expressions. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but I'm afraid that she was proud of being so angry? Because that would make sense since in her childhood she could not get angry at her narcissistic dad; she had to repress it.

[SuperDaddy]

I have heard about many cases in which security cameras have saved men from dangerous women during the process of divorce. This is a well-documented example in which his wife clearly shows classic BPD symptoms:

Video: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/WMvumzmdxAA

But what's the recommended approach to using cameras inside our home when you have a BPD wife?

Should we ask for an agreement and install the cameras gradually, one by one, making sure she is comfortable with them?

My wife has agreed, and I bought one camera some time ago, but I haven't installed it yet. I told her that it would be for her to see herself. That's true; I want her to get some self-insight from video feedback. But I am not sure if that will make her feel any regret.

I have already shown her some footage from my cell phone, and she didn't have anything to comment on about it. But she was specifically interested in one thing: her own facial expressions. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but I'm afraid that she was proud of being so angry? Because that would make sense since in her childhood she could not get angry at her narcissistic dad; she had to repress it.

[re_search1901]

I think you'd be better off focusing on yourself and what you can do to improve the way you handle things/set boundaries.

If you think that showing your wife proof of her actions is going to make her have a sudden change of heart, or some light bulb is going to go off, you are going to end up disappointed and more likely to make things worse.

The frequency and content of your posts is a bit alarming to be honest with you. It might be wise to take a few days and go do something you enjoy or take some space for your own mental health/headspace.

[SuperDaddy]

Hi @re_search1901 , thanks for replying.

I like your name, because I also do a lot of research. 

And by the way, there is significant evidence of video feedback being helpful, at least when used under the supervision of a therapist:

1) The VideoTalk method is a psychotherapy approach where patients create and use self-made videos (often with smartphones) at home to record themselves in daily life, especially in problematic situations, and then review these videos with their therapist to gain self-observation, activate emotions, and change dysfunctional coping strategies, building a bridge between therapy and real life.

A feasibility study of “video-assisted group schema therapy” for borderline personality disorder that adds the VideoTalk method and reports that using video was experienced as effective and helped bring more emotionally intensive material into session:

- Video-assisted Group Schema Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder – a Feasibility Study

2) There are a few control studies about child development and behavior that used therapist-guided video-feedback interventions where families are videotaped in real-life home routines. Some of them have shown a significant improvement in the intervention group over the control group. The following study was specific for mothers with difficulties consistent with personality disorders, often related to a history of complex trauma, and the result was a risk-ratio reduction of 1.9:

- Video feedback parent‐infant intervention for mothers experiencing enduring difficulties in managing emotions and relationships: A randomised controlled feasibility trial

3) Finally, there is a case study named the “bug-in-the-eye” DBT supervision work, where a supervisor observes the DBT session live (typically via video) and gives the therapist immediate coaching through an earpiece, and the authors report it as useful and acceptable in a BPD case.

- The Use of “Bug-in-the-Eye” Live Supervision for Training in Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Case Study

[PeteWitsend]

...

But what's the recommended approach to using cameras inside our home when you have a BPD wife?

Should we ask for an agreement and install the cameras gradually, one by one, making sure she is comfortable with them?

My wife has agreed, and I bought one camera some time ago, but I haven't installed it yet. I told her that it would be for her to see herself. That's true; I want her to get some self-insight from video feedback. But I am not sure if that will make her feel any regret.

I have already shown her some footage from my cell phone, and she didn't have anything to comment on about it. But she was specifically interested in one thing: her own facial expressions. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but I'm afraid that she was proud of being so angry? Because that would make sense since in her childhood she could not get angry at her narcissistic dad; she had to repress it.

I don't think you're going to get the results you hoped from this. 

For one thing, you're assuming certain predictable reactions from a person who is mentally disordered.  For another thing, pwBPD like to "play for the camera."  You think she's going to act herself knowing there's a camera on her?  You're just inviting more games.  I could imagine her alternatively trying to bait you into conflict  & get you to overreact, knowing the camera will record it.  Or acting on her best behavior in the room where she knows there's a camera, and doing the opposite elsewhere in the house.  And if she forgets the camera's there and it does catch her "in the act," expect her to angrily demand you delete the footage.

In your next post, you mention video feedback can be helpful "at least when used under the supervision of a therapist."  That's probably the operative phrase here.  You're not using it under the supervision of a therapist, you're thinking you can fix BPD with a gimmick, and that's just not likely to happen. 

I would not waste my time or money like this.

I think a camera is only really useful here to the extent it's hidden, and can catch candid scenes of  the pwBPD's negative behavior, which can then be used either to defend yourself against false accusations, or prove she's abusive (to what end, that's an entirely different discussion).

And of course, while it's legal to install a camera on your own property, there are a lot of legal gray areas there that could get you in trouble, for example, if you're recording third party guests in places they might have an expectation of privacy, even in your home (bathrooms, bedrooms, etc.).

[kells76]

What would the goal be of installing the cameras?

What might be the best case scenario?

What might be the worst case scenario?

What is the most likely outcome based on history?