Want to make things better

[IndoorGardener]

I’ve been married for 15 years and I am very sure my spouse has BPD. He doesn’t seem very receptive to therapy but things are getting worse. He never seems happy anymore and he is on meds for depression and he got mood stabilizers in the last year. But honestly he seems worse since the mood stabilizers. I work and do most of the stuff round the house. I tried to get him into volunteering at a military museum as he loves history but he went once and had a panic attack and came home. I feel like I am losing myself in his pain and while I am a generally happy person it is getting harder. I recently got the book Stop walking on eggshells and I am going to start reading that. I really need to work on having any sort of boundaries. It doesn’t help that I am naturally a momma bear and lean towards helping and taking care of people. I just want our lives to be better and to see him happy again. it breaks my heart seeing him suffering. Hoping to find some community, support and ideas here

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SuperDaddy]

Hi IndoorGardener and welcome to the BPD family!

I’ve been married for 15 years and I am very sure my spouse has BPD. He doesn’t seem very receptive to therapy but things are getting worse. He never seems happy anymore and he is on meds for depression and he got mood stabilizers in the last year. But honestly he seems worse since the mood stabilizers.

Is the doctor who prescribed the mood stabilizer aware of BPD? I'm asking because there are a few medications that are discouraged for BPD patients, such as benzodiazepines. And there is no drug that's approved to treat BPD itself.

It seems like he hasn't been diagnosed yet. My wife was recently diagnosed, and that helps a lot. But it takes a very good therapist with whom the patient has a high level of synergy/connection. The patient must seek the diagnosis spontaneously.

[kells76]

Hello IndoorGardener and

Glad you found the group and felt ready to share. This is a great place to find community and understanding about the unique challenges of having a pwBPD (person with BPD) in your life.

Fifteen years is a long time -- you have certainly invested a lot in your marriage. Do you two have any kids? If so, how old are they, and how have they been doing with the situation?

You mention wanting to work on boundaries for yourself... what's the biggest issue for you there? Do you have a therapist or counselor you're working with at all?

While BPD relationships can be so stressful, we also know that people stay for any number of reasons, and we're here to help you practice new skills and approaches to make the relationship more livable for you.

Keep reading and posting, we'll be here,

kells76