Male BPD weird "almost" Cheating Bx

[lisaea1523]

Ok so this is very unique and interesting to me- wondering if anyone else has encountered this and how you responded to it-

We've been in a relationship for 2 years now living together. He appears single on FB and deleted me as a friend a long time ago he then blocked me on fb. He is on fb dating and is constantly talking to women. The conversation usually never goes anywhere and I have found no evidence of cheating. I check his phone often when hes asleep. He does not know I have his password. He will often start texting some of the women so any conversations I have seen that discuss wanting to meet or seem to be going somewhere I text those numbers from my phone and politely let them know that he is not single and in a long term relationship. Surprisingly the 4-6 times Ive done this the women are very apologetic and they immediately stop texting him back despite his repeated attempt to engage. He does not know that I have texted them or have seen these conversations. He knows that I have looked at his phone just the screen notifications and that Im well aware he is talking to other women. Obviously he does this to have someone to talk to and a back up option just in case our relationship were to end BUT it makes me wonder if he would actually cheat if one of these women were persistent enough and actually interested in him. Many of them are not as the conversations are awkward and like I said it never goes anywhere. I know this sound ridiculous but I dont know how else to respond to this bx. Oh and of course he is constantly accusing me of cheating even though I have deleted snap chat and given him the password to my phone so he can check whenever he wants. He checks occasionally and of course there is no cheating or inappropriate conversations. He has been engaging in this bx talking to women the entire relationship so I dont think it will stop - it calms him down to know he always has someone to talk to- someone who cares.

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[SuperDaddy]

Hi

I have read your first post, and I see you both have a young baby. That brings more tension.

Do you frequently argue with him about his "almost cheating" behavior? Do you get angry? You have all of the right to be angry at that, but I'm asking because if you feed into the drama, it will make the behavior worse.

To be honest, I think things will only improve if he loses access to you as a consequence for this behavior. For instance, you could move away to a parent's house for a while. Or perhaps you could do it permanently. But it's important that the consequence does not feed into the drama, so you would need to cut off all contact with him and have someone else deal with him and his requests. Maybe someone else would request him to leave your house so that you can return.

The idea is that once you are not living together, you'll finally be able to have peace and set boundaries that protect your peace, so you'll be able to provide love while ignoring his drama, so he won't be able to force the drama onto you, and if that's accomplished, then gradually his recent drama should be reversed (settled down to the level it was in the beginning).

Otherwise, you'd have to go into an open relationship, perhaps one-sided. But I don't think you want that, and I don't think it would really end the drama.