Ex texting me all the time

[MintGreen]

I'm new here and found this forum out of desperation.  My ex-wife continues to text me with angry questions about why I left, why I lied (I did have an affair after 30 years of marraige with my ex), and how could I do this to her. It never stops. I have answered all these questions multiple times, gone to her therapist with her, paid for her to have private residential treatment, given her the house and enough money to live very comfortably for the rest of her life and she still will not stop harassing me. Telling me how awful I am and how I ruined her life. I'm so tired. Really tired. I gave her all I had for 30 years and I need a rest. It will never be enough for her. How do I stop the insanity? We still must talk occasionally about finances so I cant just cut her off. PLEASE. ANY ADVICE IS WELCOME.

[Mutt]

That sounds really exhausting. After a 30-year relationship ends, especially with the kind of hurt involved here, it’s not unusual for the person who was left to keep going back to the same questions and anger. Unfortunately, more explanations rarely seem to bring the closure they’re hoping for.

Sometimes what helps is shifting the focus away from trying to settle the past and toward structuring communication going forward. If finances still require contact, some people find it useful to move those conversations to email and only respond to practical topics. The emotional accusations don’t always need a response.

If you’re comfortable sharing a bit more, it might help to know how long you’ve been separated and whether you’re still responding when those texts come in.

[Under The Bridge]

I can't imagine how mentally exhausting this must be - you've done all you can for her which is highly commendable but you're still suffering through her actions.

Although your relationship is over, you still need to set solid boundaries to cope with the fallout. As Mutt says, only respond to 'business' texts and ignore anything personal.  Hard to do, I know, but you have to put yourself first and foremost now.

Is there any way you can finalise all financial matters and go solid no-contact?