sad that I can never trust her . . .

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My relationship is very limited with my elderly mother.  I can't trust her.  I have to limit everything that I say to her, because she will twist it and then spread untrue gossip to other people.  I have forgiven her for the abusive way that she raised me.  I am thankful for a support group.  When people initially meet her, they think that she is nice.  They just don't know her well enough.  She has struggled with all of her friendships, co-workers, relatives.  I used to think that she was just cruel.  I think that she doesn't even realize how she treats other people.  I pray for her.  I know that she didn't choose to be this way.  It's just sad for everyone involved.  For my own sanity, I maintain as little contact as possible.

[Orphan]

My relationship is very limited with my elderly mother.  I can't trust her.  I have to limit everything that I say to her, because she will twist it and then spread untrue gossip to other people.  I have forgiven her for the abusive way that she raised me.  I am thankful for a support group.  When people initially meet her, they think that she is nice.  They just don't know her well enough.  She has struggled with all of her friendships, co-workers, relatives.  I used to think that she was just cruel.  I think that she doesn't even realize how she treats other people.  I pray for her.  I know that she didn't choose to be this way.  It's just sad for everyone involved.  For my own sanity, I maintain as little contact as possible.

[Mutt]

Hi Orphan, welcome-glad you found your way here.

That kind of dynamic wears you down over time-having to filter everything you say because it might get twisted or shared. It makes sense you’ve pulled back to protect your sanity.

What stood out is that you’ve found a way to hold both truths-you’ve forgiven her, and at the same time you’re keeping distance. That’s not easy, but it’s often what stability looks like in situations like this.

From here, keeping it simple and consistent can help:
   •   limit what you share (low-information contact)
   •   expect patterns, not change
   •   stay anchored in your boundaries, not her reactions

If you want to share-what tends to happen when she crosses that line now?