It's been a while. Hello friends
A little background. I initially discovered this site because my MIL exhibits BPD behaviors and it wreaked havoc on my marriage. Thanks to BPDFamily, therapy, setting better personal boundaries and a husband who was willing to examine and change behaviors, my marriage is in a really good place today.
About four years ago, my middle daughter was diagnosed with BPD as well. Who knew the years of anguish spent sorting through my MIL's BPD behaviors would end up here.
In short, I have three kids. I was my BPD kiddo's person. After a challenging relationship with my husband, she split and took her siblings with her. The oldest and youngest now speak to me. They miss me and seem torn. I haven't spoken to the middle one, C, for five years. My heart breaks every day. I toggle between lingering guilt (should I have done some differently?), shame (so hard to talk about this, people don't know what to say), grief (it's like grieving a death she is choosing), healing (because I know that's what I'm responsible for).
She is the only one that also lives in my city, and I happen to know through her siblings that she is dating a guy named N. I don't stalk her social media but I have looked her up, so I know what he looks like. He happened to be working at a kiosk I frequent with friends yesterday. I didn't talk to him. We've never met. It was the closest contact I've had with my kid in years, and it was overwhelmingly triggering for reasons I can't quite verbalize yet.
I just needed to put the story somewhere that people would understand. If you're also dealing with this, I hope for you what I hope for me - that we find moments of joy, that we live life fully and continue to grow and find meaning and purpose.
pj
