Feel alone and crazy

[Green Penguin]

I feel I am having somewhat of a mental break. I just can’t take my husbands BPD anymore. Was looking for an online session somewhere but have been unable to find anything. Don’t really know what I need besides to not feel alone. It’s been a very, very hard day and I’m just about at my emotional end.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CC43]

Hi there,

I'm sorry you're feeling desperate.  If you need a break, I think you should take one.  Maybe that looks like going for a walk outside.  Maybe it's getting some rest.  Maybe it's getting some space.  Maybe it's talking to a trusted friend, vocalizing your confusing thoughts, getting a reality check.  Maybe it's talking to a therapist.  Or putting thoughts into words here.

Just know that you're not to blame for your husband's BPD behaviors, no matter how much he tries to convince you otherwise.

What would you say has gotten you this point, if you care to share?  Is your husband abusive towards you?  Is he trying to isolate you from other people?  Is he having meltdowns over seemingly nothing, and making you feel as if you're walking on eggshells? Are you exhausted because even though you've tried everything to please him, it's never enough?  Is he blaming you for all his problems?

Maybe now you need some firmer boundaries.  You don't have to listen to yelling, insults, unfounded accusations, threats, tantrums.  You could leave the room if your husband becomes unhinged--giving him time and space to calm down.  Think of it as an adult time out for him, but also for you.  You could leave the home if necessary--go to a store, a park, a library, a friend or neighbor's house, anywhere to get a little space and let things calm down.  That's not avoidance, that's energy management--because when emotions are boiling over, problems aren't being solved anyway.  You only engage with him when you are both calm and rational.  If he's having a tantrum and you can't get a time out, then you can try the gray rock method--staying as still and emotionless as a gray rock, so as not to add emotional fuel to his fire.  How does that sound?