Can you give us an update on you and your family? So sorry we didn't promptly respond sooner to this post. Here are a couple thoughts on these issues.
Suicide threats... No one expects you to discern the difference between suicidal ideation versus manipulative venting. Leave that to the professionals, including the emergency responders. However, be aware that if help is summoned, many who made such threats will Deny having done that, even claiming it was you. So, knowing that likely Denial, best to have witnesses or a recording or a text/email.
Endless fighting or bickering... This is harder to address since it's a dysfunctional relationship dynamic established over years. Many approaches to this are found on our
Tools & Skills Workshops board. Among that long list there are two notable ones:
- How we communicate... JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) fails when the other is in an argumentative mood or dissociated state. Those are our logical approaches but they boomerang when they either can't or won't listen. It's almost as though logic triggers them even more. The link above mentions SET, DEARMAN and BIFF, strategies to foster calmness rather than triggering.
- How to improve our Boundaries... When the other starts ranting and raging, in most cases better to let them alone to hopefully reset themselves. As the cartoons humorously say, "Exit stage left." Can you go with the children to another room? Can you go to the supermarket, park, neighbors or take a walk, taking the children with you, and return once the other has calmed a bit?
