Welcome back, though of course we wish your return was signaling a more joyful note. But you do have a hint that you've taken reality in hand and are overall in a better place than before.
I know things are better without her and it will take time for this attachment to fade, when I left initially I was excited for her to find a new boyfriend and move on but I am starting to feel weird about it. Why does she get to easily just be happy and feel no guilt about what she has done? I feel tremendous guilt for leaving, but my kids reassure me a lot that I did the right thing. They do not want to talk to her at all and they avoid her phone calls and my older daughter even blocked her. When we went back my daughter told me that her mom "did not change" and she was right. After the kids saw me get strangled she jokingly said "I told you so".
I doubt your ex is truly happy, well, not in a healthy way. As for her feeling no guilt, that's probably due to her warped (disordered) thinking and perspective. Members here often speak of the
Karpman Drama Triangle. Your ex probably embraces the Victim label, you as the Persecutor and her new guy as one of her Rescuers.
Can you share how your court ordered parenting schedule is split, percentwise? We encourage our members, as the more reasonably normal parent, to seek as much parenting authority and time as possible. Here is one of my past posts...
There is no single fix that resolves all the concerns. However, there are partial solutions that can improve circumstances. Many here faced with this quandary eventually turn to the courts to enable giving the children part of their lives calm and stability in a separate home.
Part of my leaving is so that my kids at least have one place they can go to that is stable and where they can feel safe and not be verbally abused.
Exactly!
Living in a calm and stable home, even if only for part of their lives, will give the children a better example of normalcy for their own future relationships. Nearly 30 years ago the book Solomon's Children - Exploding the Myths of Divorce had an interesting observation on page 195 by one participant, As the saying goes, "I'd rather come from a broken home than live in one." Ponder that. Taking action will enable your lives, or at least a part of your lives, to be spent be in a calm, stable environment — your home, wherever that is — away from the blaming, emotional distortions, pressuring demands and manipulations, unpredictable ever-looming rages and outright chaos.
Likely your children would benefit from counseling, just as you benefited. (Your ex might oppose that, but court would likely side with you. As my lawyer told me years ago, "Courts love counseling.") Your example - and the input of counselors too - will help the children to be balanced in their selection of mentally healthy relationships in their own lives as adults.
