Divorced

[Jim jim]

Relationship moved fast. We bought a house together after 5 months of dating. We got married within a year of dating. We moved states and sold our house and bought a new house within a year of being married. I was more avoidant in the relationship. She was anxious and year one of dating and year one of marriage was filled with her pushing long emotional talks, trying to control how I showed up, her anxiously showing up. Constant projects to build a business and farm. A lot of nuances. But that's the gist. Year two of marriage there was a shift in her but I didn't catch it because it was nice not to be pressed into emotional talks for four hours 2-3 times a week. She was lonely here too, no friends. I wasn't showing up for her, concerned for her emotions, I was selfish, so BPD or not, I see where I went wrong. We had a lot of fights, I was emotionally reactive, but also more often than not, unreactive. She had been diagnosed with bpd, which was later switched to ADHD and cpstd. So come December 2025 we had perhaps our worst fight ever. Five days later she tells me she's divorcing me. Two weeks later we are signing separation papers. I was willing to give it to her, but I started learning as much as I could. Immediately after the papers are signed, her boundary, no emotional talk. Two weeks later she leaves town, back from where we came. Two months later we are divorced. She did a freezer spell on me before leaving which I found recently. After separation, even after divorce I chased, she confirmed her boundary over and over, only to break it to say she didn't trust me or I hurt her. A lot of push pull, redundant logistics, until we eventually ended up at a near full block, with a 3rd party set up. I still get occasional redundant 3rd party logistics. A lot of nuance to all the in-between but this is the main gist. So I'm basically ignoring anything that doesn't require a response.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[Jim jim]

If divorced, blocked, 3rd party set up, but still logistical redundant pings come in?

[ForeverDad]

If you are blocked, presumably from contact with your ex, then accept that.  Sadly, the relationship, as dysfunctional as it was, is over.  What next?  Reset your focus.  Now is the time for you to take care of yourself.

About being blocked... On the day of my separation, before the two year divorce, she blocked my email account.  Because we had a small child there was a prolonged custody and parenting disagreement for years.  So our contact was necessary, unlike your situation.  We communicated through phone calls and texts.  To this day my email, so far as I know, is still blocked from her account.  I was okay with that.  It was no big deal.  My focus was henceforth on my child and me.

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