Of course you're not perfect. Neither am I. Neither is anyone. Yet there is a difference between people with BPD traits (pwBPD) and us... a certain level of distorted thinking - mental illness if you will - versus reasonably normal people.
My friend, you can't take this personally...it was never about you. The good times were good. The bad times should have passed quickly if your ex would have worked with you through them. But that's the mental illness part...
A pattern we typically see is the other has an unreasonable perception of close relationships and so it starts with an idolization phase. But like everything new, everyday reality sets in and life isn't as brilliant anymore and the other's moods and feelings overreact, going from extreme highs to dire lows. It's an endless cycle of ups and downs. Those extremes are not normal.
It can impact us too. Picture getting on a new roller coaster for the first time. Rushing up and down the track is so exhilarating. The first time. But the second time is ever so slightly less. And each additional ride gradually becomes a little more normal, little by little. That's life. Our reactions and impressions don't remain at the same highs as the first time. That's how we are made.
Sometimes, too, we can become queasy on roller coasters with all the ups and downs and twists and turns. In such cases we need to get off at the next return to the station, take a breather and recover our equilibrium... perhaps even reassess when and if to return.
As for your ex, real help for her would be for her to start meaningful therapy sessions to diligently apply the counsel in her life, perceptions and behavior. BPD is a disorder of close emotional relationships. She can't really listen to you due to her perception of the past baggage of the relationship. A therapist or counselor knows to build a professional relationship of trust rather than an emotional one.
