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Author Topic: I am totally lost  (Read 19 times)
Kuroko
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 1


« on: June 12, 2026, 09:00:26 AM »

Maybe i am stupid, but i love her, still the same i really need some advice. There is a chance that she will comeback? I am totally lost, Please, help me.

Hi, I don't really know where to look for help and I don't know where to start, so l'll start from the end.
My ex-partner has borderline personality disorder and is also on the autism spectrum. It's been 4 months since I left her, but I still love her.
We were together for almost 3 years, of which I think we managed to get through 6 major breakups and a lot of smaller ones.
On February 4th of this year, after constant accusations of a lack of love, 1 broke up with her via text message, writing, "I don't want this." She responded by saving I never loved her, that I'd turned her into dust, that she didnt want this, and I meant it. Around the beginning of March, I think, she moved to another country, and at the beginning of April, she set her Facebook status to "in a relationship".
After the breakup, I returned to my passion, streaming. In April, a viewer without an account appeared four times, with a location where she was. Then in May, including once under her own nickname. And again in June, four days in a row.
To give you a full picture of the situation, I will also describe the situations from last year and from January this year.
Last May, after a period of accusations that she didn't feel important to me, she accused me of something terrible, broke up with me, and started posting stories with a friend on Instagram. I tried to get her back, but they ignored her. I focused on myself, and that's when I started streaming, just living. That's when she started appearing on streams, first without an account and later under a different identity. She posted as a different girl, but she shared our story. Then she showed up at my door, leaving me a birthday present. I ran after her, and we ended up getting back together.

Things were quiet until August, when I broke up out of exhaustion. She continued posting about her relationship with her friend, and continued accessing my streams under a different identity. Once she intervened, reminded me of the situation from May, calling me names when I was talking to a friend about love. Eventually, we ended up getting back together.
Things were quiet and even idyllic until October, but then it started again. A series of short breakups, after which 1 ran to get her back, and back again.
In January, she broke up with me over text after I wasn't supportive enough after she lost her job. I took time off work and went to her place, but she wouldn't let me in. I texted her friend and then her, and we arranged to talk, but it didnt go well. She called the police and ran away, accusing me of not being able to love her.
A few days later, she sent me a letter telling me / was the love of her life, that without me, she was shattered into a million pieces and mired in addiction. The letter was a good seven pages of A4 paper. It was also full of accusations and ended with the words, "I will always love you".
" I was afraid that she might hurt herself, so ! told her friend what her problem was, because she thought that I should take care of her in this situation. After two days I received a text message full of longing, after another two full of hatred, and finally she showed up at my door. Of course gave in and let the poor drunk girl in and went back to her place for a rehearsal, which made her very angry.
I could describe many more situations, but I decided to focus on the last year and a half.
I don't understand this situation and her behavior. Given this history and what's happening now, I wonder if there's a risk she'll try to come back?
Post Scriptum: Throughout our relationship, she was incredibly jealous of me, calling me the love of her life, For a while, she had access to my Messenger. And for a long time, until we broke up, she had access to my location on my phone.

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ForeverDad
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 19258


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2026, 09:51:19 AM »

We've all been there, done that and felt that.  Letting Go of the deep feelings for someone we've struggled to love despite the disorder and the discord is not easy.  It's a process, not an event.  Gift yourself time for your heart to catch up with your brain.

The unfair blaming is hard to process emotionally.  BPD is often referred to as a Blamer's pattern.  On our Books board we even have mention of Bullet: important point (click to insert in post) William Eddy's "It's all Your Fault!".

It's very sad, but you can't fix her.  She would have to be determined to fix herself and that typically requires meaningful therapy sessions over years.  The conundrum is that people with BPD traits have an intense level of Denial, Blaming and Blame Shifting.  Add to that the ever changing moods and perceptions... that's why Borderline PD is typically stated as one of the most difficult to deal with.

That she called the police indicates, despite your long history together, she's willing to raise the level of conflict into the legal consequences realm.

We can't say whether she will come back.  A better question to ask yourself is whether you would accept that resuming the relationship without her attaining a measure of recovery with therapy would almost surely resume the discord and emotional pain.

If she doesn't change and improve herself, then you must accept that.  Browse, read, ask, share... by educating yourself you can be better prepared to handle whatever future lies before you.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2026, 09:52:15 AM by ForeverDad » Logged

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