Do you ever reflect on how you got here relationship wise?

[mssalty]

I’ve recently been reflecting on my relationships.

The realization that one of my parents was probably somewhat of a narcissistic personality with similar BPD traits.  While they were fully functional, I spent a lifetime trying to please them and smooth over their lack of concern for others and manage their relationships with other people in my life. 

The realization that my relationship with that parent may have made me look for people who need caring/help.   

Noting that I was afraid to really date or be with someone in grade school because of how that parent reacted and might react (plus observing how they acted with my sibling). 

Realizing a lack of self esteem and feeling worthy wrecked a chance at a relationship in high school. 

Realizing being free of my parents in college allowed me to pursue a relationship and fall hard for someone and feeling truly like a real person for the first time in my life. 

Going through a horrible breakup with that person and feeling like I was unworthy of love, and having the same parent not being supportive or understanding beyond stating they wanted to hurt the person and telling me I needed to get over it.   

Falling into a relationship with someone who made me feel somewhat like I did in that relationship, and then experiencing all of the bewildering mind(bleeps) that are being in a relationship with someone with BPD and not knowing why. 

Finding out fairly recently that my first true love apparently has a pattern of narcissism and mistreatment of others while hiding behind a compassionate facade. 

Looking at my current long term relationship and realizing I don’t know who I am, and that maybe part of my problem is never establishing my own self esteem or identity when I am with other people.  Maybe that’s why I am constantly feeling this way. 

Anyone else done this? 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.