Trying to figure out how to interact and keep boundaries

[JsMom]

My swubpd has been struggling with something these last 2 weeks or longer. He hasn't shared what it is nor asked for help or advice. My pattern h :cursing:as been to ask him if he's OK- if there's anyway I can help.From there I'm in the middle of whatever is causing the pain. I don't want to be in that place. I do want him to know I'm here for him as support not the fix.
 I don't have the same dynamic with my younger son who lives with him. He and I can discuss whatever w/o tension or him having big reactions. He doesn't have bpd.
Yesterday  I called my swubpd to let him know my FB was hacked so he wouldn't get upset by what was posted.  His response was " I don't care what was on you FB , I'm dealing with so much right now , I don't want to hear about that"  He was holding it together.  Shortly after he text saying I'm sorry about your FB. I love you. I hope you have a good day.     I decided not to try to explain the reason I called, I text back Thanks I hope your day is good and you can get some rest. (I felt that was not caring but I wasn't sure what else to say)
So believe it or not, my son 'just' called. He said he wanted to say Hi and see how I'm doing. I told him and asked how he was doing. He went from calm to amped up. Saying- I am under so much pressure- I never want to talk about how I'm doing. Don't ask me. I called for a break.... I said OK, I won't ask and I started to tell him things in my life - what I was doing ... other trivia. He was calm and responded, asked questions.... Told me he loved me and to have a good evening.   I guess I got my answer to stay at the  surface
Any thoughts????  BTW, I went on an overnight sisters getaway and I let myself have fun and I beat back worry and fear thoughts.
Also I'm reading a great book by Margalis Fjelstad called Stop Caretaking the Border Line or Narcissist.  How to end the drama.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[JsMom]

After I posted I started thinking more about about the conversations I have with my son. At first I thought he uses me to feel better. That's the depth of our conversations. A call so I can distract him or a call to calm him or a call to rescue him. Yes, he says he loves me and asks about my well being and my husband's... Maybe that's a good as it can be at least for now. I do get calm interactions which is nice. Maybe it's being grateful for the relationship we do have.