Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 06:39:05 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books most popular with members
104
Stop Caretaking the
Borderline or the Narcassist
Stop Walking
on Eggshells
Journey from
Abandonment to Healing
The Search for Real Self
Unmasking Personality Disorders

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: 8 years relationship and 2 kids – co parenting arrangements  (Read 373 times)
MiaP
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 71


« on: February 16, 2017, 08:24:23 AM »

My ex husband of 8 years moved out of the house six months ago. We have a daughter together who is 3 and his daughter from his first marriage, 14, also stayed with me.

He comes over three times a weeks to spend time with the two of them. The youngest is always very happy to see him and sad when he leaves. The oldest comes out for meals and spends the rest of the time in her room so as to have minimum interaction with her father.

He hasn’t really asked to take them out or to be alone with them, he mentioned that a couple of times but more like a threath to me because he interacts more or less with the youngest if she’s happy and playing but simply can’t handle the situation if she’s crying or upset about something so I always have to be around. The oldest, as she grew up started to be accused and critised for everything so now she doesn’t want to be around him. He’s usually only there for a few hours.

For the time being that’s the arragements we have but I don’t know how I’ll make it work in the future, when vacations, holidays, and birthdays come, especially because I don’t think he’ll be able to behave normally around others from my family because he developed such a strong hatred towards some of them. 

Anyone in a similiar situation can please share what king of co parenting arrangements have worked?
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12104


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2017, 11:05:54 PM »

That his child from a previous r/s stayed with you is unconventional, though from what you've said I don't blame her (and it's good that she has you!). What is your legal status with her as a parent, and also with your youngest?

We've seen this a lot here,  sadly, the somewhat abandoning parent. Sometimes, we've seen parents try to make the other parent be a parent. Is that how you may feel?
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
MiaP
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 71


« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2017, 03:35:46 AM »

I have been her step mother for all this time but we have no legal status, nothing is written down on paper and the same with my youngest. I would feel safer if things were defined and had a legal basis but on the other hand just the tought of a legal battle with their father makes me shudder... .

It's very difficult to talk to him since in his mind I'm the one who abandoned him. I feel completly alone and I have all the responsability for taking care of the children while at the same time I'm accused of all sorts of things like that he doesn't have enough time with the children (in fact, he can come to the house as many times as he wants and when he is with them it's as if he's there physicaly but his mind is somewhere else, the youngest keeps calling "daddy, daddy, look at this" and he keeps his eyes on his phone all the time!).

So, I think it's like you say, I keep trying to make him be the parent they need but unfortunatly I don't think that's going to happen. When D14 was younger it was better, but as she became older he just started to be extremely critical of everthing about her and she sometimes says "I just can't talk to him anymore". I'm afraid that in time, that's what's going to happen with the youngest... .

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!