Grown BPD daughter imposing extended silent treatments

[Parents! Get help here!]

I could use advice on the sort of personal limits (boundaries) we can realistically request, and what "consequences" we might use to incentivize my high-performance BPD adult daughter to respect any boundary we request. All suggestions I've seen involve some form of disconnecting.

But disconnecting--the Silent Treatment--is my daughter's go-to strategy for family blowups, instigated mostly by her. The most recent has persisted since Sept. 6, on her younger sister and me.

We don't beg. I suggested that the sisters engage in mutual discussion, no apology required upfront (both sisters wanted one) but welcome during the conversation, not to win but to compromise, understand each other's viewpoint, reconcile or agree to disagree, and move on. Her sister quickly accepted and reached out, with no response. Instead, BPD daughter extended the silent treatment to me--for bias favoring her sister (her most basic trigger).

If/when she reconnects, I'd ask first for us to talk about the conflict. If I get that, I'd ask as a personal limit to resume normal family relations--don't impose the silent treatment in response to family disputes. Is this request too ambitious? And what consequences could help reinforce such a request with someone who favors disconnecting?  She likely to respond by reimposing the silent treatment...

Meanwhile, should I reach out to her again or wait for her? She's also ignored her father's sweet attempt to do that. She's likely waiting for me to apologize. But IMO that would reinforce this behavior.  It's so hard to know what to do. It's so sad.

[Hopefu11]

I could use advice on the sort of personal limits (boundaries) we can realistically request, and what "consequences" we might use to incentivize my high-performance BPD adult daughter to respect any boundary we request. All suggestions I've seen involve some form of disconnecting.

But disconnecting--the Silent Treatment--is my daughter's go-to strategy for family blowups, instigated mostly by her. The most recent has persisted since Sept. 6, on her younger sister and me.

We don't beg. I suggested that the sisters engage in mutual discussion, no apology required upfront (both sisters wanted one) but welcome during the conversation, not to win but to compromise, understand each other's viewpoint, reconcile or agree to disagree, and move on. Her sister quickly accepted and reached out, with no response. Instead, BPD daughter extended the silent treatment to me--for bias favoring her sister (her most basic trigger).

If/when she reconnects, I'd ask first for us to talk about the conflict. If I get that, I'd ask as a personal limit to resume normal family relations--don't impose the silent treatment in response to family disputes. Is this request too ambitious? And what consequences could help reinforce such a request with someone who favors disconnecting?  She likely to respond by reimposing the silent treatment...

Meanwhile, should I reach out to her again or wait for her? She's also ignored her father's sweet attempt to do that. She's likely waiting for me to apologize. But IMO that would reinforce this behavior.  It's so hard to know what to do. It's so sad.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders