I know it's far from possible but then again

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

He's a good liar. For the most part I feel confident that I'll get sole custady and a tiny part of me thinks that he will lie his way and get what he wants (shared custady or sole)

His threats are illogical but he strongly believes them and or trying to frighten me.

I have my family but need support.

[Dontknow88]

He's a good liar. For the most part I feel confident that I'll get sole custady and a tiny part of me thinks that he will lie his way and get what he wants (shared custady or sole)

His threats are illogical but he strongly believes them and or trying to frighten me.

I have my family but need support.

[livednlearned]

At what stage are you in the process?

[Dontknow88]

At what stage are you in the process?

We were doing a separation agreement (he agreed to give me sole) but now he doesn't want to do that due to influeence.  We have been waiting for months for him to sign

My lawyer told me that we may have to go to court cause he can't make up his mind. He said the notice wil rather frighten him to hurry and sign or we go to court

[livednlearned]

I know it's hard to let go of the dream that things will go smoothly -- but BPD and things going smoothly aren't often a thing 

We often say here to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. It sounds like your L is saying to prepare for the worst, and that might mean accepting that court is a very real possibility.

Meanwhile, he has no contact?

[Dontknow88]

I know it's hard to let go of the dream that things will go smoothly -- but BPD and things going smoothly aren't often a thing  

We often say here to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. It sounds like your L is saying to prepare for the worst, and that might mean accepting that court is a very real possibility.

Meanwhile, he has no contact?

The last he seen our son was in June. He said he didn't want to visit till the agreement it over and he's not sure what he's going to do (he was talking about his instability, the  last visit didn't go well end ended in threats from him). So we agreed to wait for the agreement and we can take that to a visitation centre.   Well since he got into a new relationship his mind has changed and it's like he forgot all the unstable things he did. Like he said before he works in cycles. So it has started over, she thinks his a well rounded guy that should have full custody and that's what he wants now.

He's only seen our son 3 times for a today of 4 hours. Every visit was horrible. Even the birth of our son he made it a horrible time.

He's a really smart guy and I'm afraid he can even trick the courts

one day at a time

Sorry for the rant

[Nope]

Do you have it in writing that he said he doesn't want to see your son until an agreement is signed?

The reason I ask is because he could go to court claiming you've been keeping your son from him. It would probably be a good idea to send him, through legal channels, a letter asking him if he'd like to set up a temporary visitation schedule until an agreement is signed. Unfortunately, it is on you to prove that you've tried to help him keep contact with your son. The fact that a father would seek sole custody why intentionally staying away in the meantime only makes sense in all-or-nothing BPD thinking and won't make sense in court.

[Dontknow88]

Do you have it in writing that he said he doesn't want to see your son until an agreement is signed?

The reason I ask is because he could go to court claiming you've been keeping your son from him. It would probably be a good idea to send him, through legal channels, a letter asking him if he'd like to set up a temporary visitation schedule until an agreement is signed. Unfortunately, it is on you to prove that you've tried to help him keep contact with your son. The fact that a father would seek sole custody why intentionally staying away in the meantime only makes sense in all-or-nothing BPD thinking and won't make sense in court.

Yes I have printed out the time when he said he wasn't going to come until  agreement is final, I also have text messages printed out when he told me that he cannot come over (sadly there was a time where I begged him to come and see his child after he said he wasn't going to come tell the agreement is over) because he's not sure what he's capable of doing(eg,  losing it again and as usual), and I have printed out some emails when he told me he wanted to see our son (after-the-fact but he told me that he's not doing well) but then I told him that he is right and that we should wait till the agreement is over and he agreed.


For the most part let me know what you think about this. I think he decide to stay away because he knows something is seriously wrong with him and he didn't want to further mess up his chances of getting full custody, like losing it again or more domestic violence situations or physically harming the child. The way that I got to know him I guess he was just trying to play his cards right. That is really selfish and he is not thinking about our child at all he's thinking about himself.

Right it makes absolutely no sense, I would love for them to have a relationship as long as it's supervised and I'm not there (visitation center's)

 I showed my lawyers the printer and he says that is good enough to crush anything he has to say about me Alienating our son from him.   I also have emails of me offering to FaceTime between him and her son and me offering pictures because he wouldn't visit

[ForeverDad]

sadly there was a time where I begged him to come and see his child after he said he wasn't going to come tell the agreement is over

Don't beat yourself up over your prior reactions.  First, you really didn't know what you were dealing with.  Second, you do try to work it out and then if it fails you re-evaluate your approach.

This is similar to how we handle a relationship.  You share information when trying to improve a relationship.  But once you decide it has to end, then you re-evaluate what you should share since sharing too much could become self-sabotaging.

[Dontknow88]

Don't beat yourself up over your prior reactions.  First, you really didn't know what you were dealing with.  Second, you do try to work it out and then if it fails you re-evaluate your approach.

This is similar to how we handle a relationship.  You share information when trying to improve a relationship.  But once you decide it has to end, then you re-evaluate what you should share since sharing too much could become self-sabotaging.

Thanks, that is very true