Task

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

We talk so much about our scars from toxic relationships and that is needed of course, but what about thinking about all the positive things that these relationships distract us from?

I'd like to hear about all the good and positive things in people's lives outside of relationships that make us happy. We can overlook and take so many things for granted - maybe we should take some time and realize there is more to life than romantic relationships! Just an idea that popped into my head today!

[SuperJew82]

We talk so much about our scars from toxic relationships and that is needed of course, but what about thinking about all the positive things that these relationships distract us from?

I'd like to hear about all the good and positive things in people's lives outside of relationships that make us happy. We can overlook and take so many things for granted - maybe we should take some time and realize there is more to life than romantic relationships! Just an idea that popped into my head today!

[glaciercats]

That is so true.  We all need to start focusing on the positives so we can become positive again.  I feel like I've lost so much of myself in all of this but I am going to get the old me back.  I'm determined too.

Spring is coming and I am going to try and spend more time hiking.  I like spending time with my nephew.  Its good to see the world though a child's eyes.

I am slowly going to snap out of this. Just have to stay strong!

Thanks for the post.  I would like to hear others ideas.

[earlyL]

This is a lovely idea. I do have to admit I enjoy the peace and calmness in my flat now, it feels the chaos has gone. I have also found some of the most incredible friends through all of this, I knew I was becoming more recluse with my ex as my time was all about her, so this has been a bonus way of getting back in touch with people. I am amazed at how people have been so supportive. I work with my ex and I have so many people checking in on me, I would always make sure I was there for these people in the future and that makes me feel love.

[marti644]

Great idea S, I like your positivity.

I am really enjoying being free of the obligation. Feeling like the good morals and ethics my parents taught me meant I should stick around and work through the BPD-ex's problems. Thank God I am free. It's been nice having my quiet time and read quietly at home. Took the day off today just to be by myself. Didn't do anything. Didn't clean, didn't cook, just relaxed and talked to friends and family. Was nice to have space for my own feelings for once.

[earlyL]

Great idea S, I like your positivity.

Was nice to have space for my own feelings for once.

I totally agree. I do remember thinking this in the relationship, I need space!

[blueblue12]

Yes S! The break made me reconnect with family, friends. I reconnected with my family, my mum, sister, brother, older sister and her family and my nephew and niece and her family. Also really focused on my son who is starting Uni, have been super close to him but now more then ever really, looking into their life paths, supporting him fully, doing lots together, going to games to the movies with him, keeping in touch on messenger, phone, whatever, cooking for friends, getting social with people that love you and that often you take for granted, and looking slowly at what I want to to and achieve in the next few years.

And in thinking about going back? No way, it's was so painful and selfish from my ex wife that I know there is nothing good there... .

Staying positive... .

[Claycrusher]

Great idea for a topic, Super Jew82!

The activities I find happiness in are theological study, making music, fly fishing, sporting clays ("golf with a shotgun", cycling (still rockin' an old lugged steel frame Schwinn Paramount), autocross, and taking my old Mustang apart and putting it back together again, watercolor painting, visits to fine art museums, science museums, and natural history museums, to name a few.

I am the custodial parent of my two teenagers.  I enjoy playing video, board, and card games with them, and they do most of the stuff above with me, too.

And I enjoy visits with friends and family.

I "had a life" before I had the BPD girlfriend who became my ex-wife.  I still have it now, and enjoy it just as much after her exit from my life's stage as I did prior to her entry, which was quite a lot.    

-Claycrusher

[Circle]

Good Question.
The thing I like most, is the freedom of mind that comes from not feeling stressed about the unpredictable: mixed messages, etc.
Taking naps is awesome, and waking up not worried: it's been a good while.
Listening to music and wasting time are fun too.
And, of course, fresh air. Remedy to cabin fever!

[mevz]

Being able to walk around without my cell phone glued to me in case he called. If I ever missed a call, I'd have to give so many explanations and be guilted by being told, "this is the ONE thing I ask of you, don't leave ur cell phone at ur desk, keep it with you. Can't you just do this much for me?"
Yet, when he didn't answer, it was coz he was busy and missed my call and of course i should understand!