Update on meeting

[Shedd]

She totally bailed on me.  

Which I saw coming from miles away.

Not sure if we'll ever have that talk even tho she says she's ready.

She also got her FB back and hasn't blocked me.  what does that mean?

[Confused108]

Good luck with that one. I live in NY and my ex moved to Canada years ago. About 6 hours away. She was supposed to come down and meet me but of course discarded me before that. I came to learn that she never kept her promises well with just menthat is. She would always bail or find and excuse. But with other people she didn't. I just don't get it.

[Shedd]

I just realize this is who she is and I literally can't expect a thing.  Not anything to protect myself.  If she really follows through and actually decides to talk to me.  We will see.  I have yet to believe she will.

[earlyL]

Sorry to hear this, sounds like you are dealing with it well. Thanks for posting, it helps those of us not quite at that point yet knowing what is likely to come. Having no expectations sounds like good advice for us all.

[GuySmiley]

If you're scheduled to meet up with your BPDex for any reason, especially to discuss feelings or emotions etc expect them to bail - any time between the initial agreement and the last possible second for them to arrive.

I used to drive for a couple of hours or so to meet mine only for her to bail last minute. It got to the point where I'd leave a pre-meeting note to myself on the sun visor of my car, reminding me to not be disappointed if she bails and to expect it. After a couple of times I began to look at myself like a fool and that's when I started to learn and start having better respect for myself. I had to get pretty low and see myself being played before I chose to put my desire to respect myself before my desire to see her.

@Shedd - this will probably happen to you a few times before you realise you're being played and you'll be angry at yourself for letting yourself be played. It's all a learning curve.

[Ragnar1982]

When I was still heavily interested in fixing things with my ex over the past year and a half, she would constantly bail on plans when we were broken up. This happened so often it became predictable. At the very least you won't get your hopes up. Those days were the worst.

[Larmoyant]

This happened to me too when we broke up and caused a lot of additional confusion and pain. He’d want to meet, but then come up with lame excuses about why he couldn’t make it. It would arouse my suspicions because of his history of pursuing other women and inevitably just pushed us further and further apart. He likely was pursuing others, but looking back I also think it was part of the BPD approach/avoidance conflict where we become both a source of security and threat to them. We end up receiving double messages “come here, but keep your distance” simultaneously. Similar to when we're in the relationship. It’s a self-protective move on their part, but incredibly painful and confusing for us to be on the receiving end of.   

[steelwork]

Yes, the elusive meeting... .he said he would get back to me with a time. Then he couldn't make a plan yet because he was worried about a (nonexistent) work problem and was having "trauma" over that. Then he was "feeling avoidant but I don't know what of." Then he just ignored any reference to the meeting in his emails. Then I told him I didn't see how we could be friends (which he supposedly wanted very much) if he would not even say whether he ever intended to have this meeting. To which he responded sarcastically that he hadn't known about my "terms and conditions" for friendship. Then he ghosted.

[heartandwhole]

I just realize this is who she is and I literally can't expect a thing.

If this is true, then where do you go from here, Shedd? 

[Shedd]

If this is true, then where do you go from here, Shedd? 

I have finally realized this is who she is and I am ok with that.  I am trying to look at it as my glass is always full in this relationship instead of feeling like I am always losing that way I am 5 steps ahead of her.  Technically, I am still in her life because I am not blocked on FB or her phone anymore so I can talk to her whenever I want (Tho my plan is to have her come to me when she needs).  The fact that she even reached out to me to try makes me feel so much better about everything.  If we end up talking it will just be a bonus for me, but I don't see that happening right now.  Even if she decides to block me again I will be ok.   I realized she's made me a stronger person and I don't need her as much as I thought I did.