Hot and Cold; I never know when I might get a kiss or an angry outburst Help

[Embracethecraze]

 I seem to attract abusive, controlling men! My ex husband of 21 years; was a narcissistic, spoiled Brat.
 I am now in a  new relationship, and he is totally different, yet is still angry, and abusive! I have never loved anyone like I love my new man; and that part scares me. My problem is that I keep falling back into a deep depression, and I am dealing with everything all alone! My Boyfriend is very affectionate, as am I; but he will rapidly do a 180° mood change without warning. I never know what is going on: if I did something wrong, if he is sick, if he has taken a drug that I don't know about, or he is just angry!  I keep catching him trying to be secretive and hide things from me. I always have a gut feeling, when he is hiding something from me, or lying to me. I don't know how I know; but I read his actions and responses. His behavior tells me that something is not right! I feel sick in my gut and my throat feels weird. When he drinks he becomes both verbally & physically abusive. He cannot be reasoned with, and will not stop his behavior. I don't want to abandon this relationship; he was abandoned and abused throughout his entire life. He has told me that he is afraid of losing our close relationship, and is a bit scared. Why, then does he keep pushing me away; only to pull me back in? I am already broken; but deep down, God Makes me Stronger than I think I am!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hello Embracethecraze,

I'm glad you reached out for support 

We have a lot of material here which can help you understand these behaviors which can also help reduce conflict.  However,  my immediate concern is if you are safe.  It's even more difficult to deal with abusive behaviors when substance abuse is involved.  It seems like you are trying to handle this the best that you can at the moment,  but do you feel safe overall?

Turkish