BPD - Daddy Issues? 6 Month Relationship

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Just out of an incredibly mentally draining relationship, full of lies, heartbreak, incredible sex, love, pain.

- Met girl in August (She's 19, I'm 23).

- Had an incredible first date, second date, etc.

- In a relationship, whereby there was no issues for 2 months.

- Sex is absolutely incredible (15-20 orgasms per night)

- She tells me about her father being physically abusive as a child, and how her home is ruined.

- Breaks up with me for no reason 2 months into the relationship, calling it a 'panic.' Comes back apologetically and we get back.

- Breaks up again 3 weeks later after I do something really nice for her. Stupidly, I go back again. (Emotional thinking over logical.)

- Breaks up with me 4 days before Christmas (almost 2 months after the 2nd break up), because we get into an argument, after I had to come to her nicely to ask if she was ok, I could sense she was down. (She suffered depression)

- Break contact for nearly 2 months, with which she is getting therapy in parallel.

- Try again end of January until 26th February.

- 4th Break up.

Aswell as the above, a ton of things come out after the latest breakup, which she volunteers to me:

- She had feelings for my best friend only HOURS after meeting him? I suspected this (my best friend had zero interest in her), and she lied to me multiple times about this.

- One of my deepest childhood 'secrets' I told her, she told someone else after promising me she never would.

- She told me she had an 8 month relationship before she met me, and she never had sex with him (found it hard to believe). Turns out, she never even met the guy, but through an online dating app, and text each other for 8 months getting very close, but never meeting.

I guess this is what they call fatal attraction, and I know I've got some issues of my own to sort if I kept going back, but it's so damn hard to leave someone you care so much about. Feeling extremely down, numb and feel a negativity toward women atm (which isin't fair).

Any feedback, or similar experiences welcome.

[Asylum15]

Just out of an incredibly mentally draining relationship, full of lies, heartbreak, incredible sex, love, pain.

- Met girl in August (She's 19, I'm 23).

- Had an incredible first date, second date, etc.

- In a relationship, whereby there was no issues for 2 months.

- Sex is absolutely incredible (15-20 orgasms per night)

- She tells me about her father being physically abusive as a child, and how her home is ruined.

- Breaks up with me for no reason 2 months into the relationship, calling it a 'panic.' Comes back apologetically and we get back.

- Breaks up again 3 weeks later after I do something really nice for her. Stupidly, I go back again. (Emotional thinking over logical.)

- Breaks up with me 4 days before Christmas (almost 2 months after the 2nd break up), because we get into an argument, after I had to come to her nicely to ask if she was ok, I could sense she was down. (She suffered depression)

- Break contact for nearly 2 months, with which she is getting therapy in parallel.

- Try again end of January until 26th February.

- 4th Break up.

Aswell as the above, a ton of things come out after the latest breakup, which she volunteers to me:

- She had feelings for my best friend only HOURS after meeting him? I suspected this (my best friend had zero interest in her), and she lied to me multiple times about this.

- One of my deepest childhood 'secrets' I told her, she told someone else after promising me she never would.

- She told me she had an 8 month relationship before she met me, and she never had sex with him (found it hard to believe). Turns out, she never even met the guy, but through an online dating app, and text each other for 8 months getting very close, but never meeting.

I guess this is what they call fatal attraction, and I know I've got some issues of my own to sort if I kept going back, but it's so damn hard to leave someone you care so much about. Feeling extremely down, numb and feel a negativity toward women atm (which isin't fair).

Any feedback, or similar experiences welcome.

[JerryRG]

Welcome asylum 15

Believe it or not each one of us here have experienced what you discribe and I do hope for you the best. I'm new to this wonderful forum, just a few weeks, you will find answers, support, friends and hope here as I have.

I'm thankful you're here and you are not alone.

[Lonely_Astro]

Sorry to hear you're going through this.  How're you holding up?  There's going to be a lot of emotions you're going to experience as time passes.  What's important right now is that you take care of yourself and reach out when you need it.  And you will need it.  I say that because these r/s take a toll on you that you don't think about during the r/s. 

Check out the lessons, they will help ground you.  Also read about intermittent reinforcement, trauma bonding, and BPD in general.  That also brings some perspective. 

Keep posting. 

[Asylum15]

Sorry to hear you're going through this.  How're you holding up?  There's going to be a lot of emotions you're going to experience as time passes.  What's important right now is that you take care of yourself and reach out when you need it.  And you will need it.  I say that because these r/s take a toll on you that you don't think about during the r/s. 

Check out the lessons, they will help ground you.  Also read about intermittent reinforcement, trauma bonding, and BPD in general.  That also brings some perspective. 

Keep posting. 

I'm absolutely devastated, and yet STILL love this girl. She's already told me she intends to 'kiss others' and doesn't love me anymore etc, and here I am still grieving.

Worst feeling in the world.

[Lonely_Astro]

Sorry to hear you're going through this.  How're you holding up?  There's going to be a lot of emotions you're going to experience as time passes.  What's important right now is that you take care of yourself and reach out when you need it.  And you will need it.  I say that because these r/s take a toll on you that you don't think about during the r/s. 

Check out the lessons, they will help ground you.  Also read about intermittent reinforcement, trauma bonding, and BPD in general.  That also brings some perspective. 

Keep posting. 

I'm absolutely devastated, and yet STILL love this girl. She's already told me she intends to 'kiss others' and doesn't love me anymore etc, and here I am still grieving.

Worst feeling in the world.

Yes, grieving is terrible but has to be done. We all have been or are going through it.  I'm still in the process myself, as I'm not fully over my ex.  I have moments where I miss her, us, etc.  I feel sad over all the unfulfilled promises.  I can say that I did love my ex... .the her I knew anyway. 

I was going into things a little different than most.  I knew she was BPD and made an informed decision to try anyway (this was our second r/s... .I don't count it as a recycle because it wasn't).  Anyway, we last a year (and what a ride it was).  She ultimately forced a break up and I refused to continue the cycle after that.  I was immediately replaced.  Actually, I was replaced before we were officially over.  Oh and did I mention we all work together?  Good times.

Keep your chin up, mate.  It hurts like crazy right now, but it'll get better.  Just stay out of the storm. 

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Sorry you have had to live through the BPD relationship nightmare. Please take this opportunity to self reflect on how you allowed it to develop and a strategy to prevent it from happening again. You will be stronger for it.

[duke026]

Wow your post is exactly what happened in my relationship too. Also from august to february and many many breakups. I'm in the healing process now and it hurts so much because I love her and now I see how she is wounded. But I have no idea how to help her. The whole relationship I felt like I was walking on eggshells. She was also 19 when we met. It's almost exactly the same...

- Met girl in August (She's 19, I'm 23).

- Had an incredible first date, second date, etc.

- In a relationship, whereby there was no issues for 2 months.

- Sex is absolutely incredible (15-20 orgasms per night)

- She tells me about her father being physically abusive as a child, and how her home is ruined.

- Breaks up with me for no reason 2 months into the relationship, calling it a 'panic.' Comes back apologetically and we get back.

- Breaks up again 3 weeks later after I do something really nice for her. Stupidly, I go back again. (Emotional thinking over logical.)

- Breaks up with me 4 days before Christmas (almost 2 months after the 2nd break up), because we get into an argument, after I had to come to her nicely to ask if she was ok, I could sense she was down. (She suffered depression)

- Break contact for nearly 2 months, with which she is getting therapy in parallel.

- Try again end of January until 26th February.

- 4th Break up.

Aswell as the above, a ton of things come out after the latest breakup, which she volunteers to me:

- She had feelings for my best friend only HOURS after meeting him? I suspected this (my best friend had zero interest in her), and she lied to me multiple times about this.