Anyone BPD + Anorexia?

[JoeBPD81]

I've read it is pretty common to have an Eating Disorder when you have BPD, but it is not something I read a lot here. I'm sorry if it has been discussed a lot in the past.

My GF suffers from Anorexia, and it's killing her. It is something that controls her life 99% of the time. The other 1% it is fear of having nothing but her anorexia. We've been worried about that a lot. With the anorexia she's dying, without it, she wants to die. But she noticed other behaviors and asked for therapy to find out what was wrong with her, with her mood, her lack of hope, her inability to look forward... .And pretty soon she was presented with BPD diagnosis. She thought she might be bipolar, and that a pill could help her not being so miserable. But BPD sounds incurable to her.

When she can't cope with something, she would purge what she ate, or obsess about losing more weight as a coping mechanism. She restrains all day, and eats a bit when she is alone and calmer at night. That little she eats it is solely because she feels responsible for her kids and me. She would be "happy" losing until she dies, if she was alone. Her organs are failing already, you can see all her bones under her skin. I love her and I would love to have intimacy with her, but it is sad to see her like that, and I would be scared to hurt her, as she is so frail.

So you see how I can't just let her face her own issues, because it's letting her die. But lecturing doesn't help. All my efforts are to lower her anxiety levels.

Her rage has to do a lot with this, or she interprets it that way. She's been pushing me away for months and told me I had to understand I was her biggest trigger for anorexia, as she wanted to look good for me. She was never fat, and I was absolutely mad about her mind and body. But she interpreted that I wouldn't like her like that, so it's real for her, and she feels she has the right to hate me for that. Other days she tells me a story of how this or that or someone was her trigger, and it has nothing to do with me. So I don't really know how much is true, and how much is projecting blame.

So, she sees the diagnosis as a threat to her anorexia. Her therapist says it's her way of self harm. And she doesn't want her anorexia to be a result of BPD, she wants it to be important, so she concludes "I must be not sick enough, I need to look really sick". Which is really scary. But she doesn't want treatment for the anorexia, only for depression.

Anyone dealing with both these things? Any advice?

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[WifeOfProbableBP]

The therapist is aware of her anorexia. Perhaps the therapist is subtly working with her on the issue. Has the therapist mentioned to you the prognosis, or given you any advice on how you might be supportive to her during this time?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey JoeBPD8:   

  My GF suffers from Anorexia, and it's killing her. It is something that controls her life 99% of the time. The other 1% it is fear of having nothing but her anorexia. We've been worried about that a lot. With the anorexia she's dying, without it, she wants to die . . . Her organs are failing already, you can see all her bones under her skin

I'm so sorry about your partner.  I can hear that you are very concerned. Her anorexia sounds very serious.  Has her therapist suggested inpatient help for her?  Sounds like it may be necessary to save her life.  It can be helpful for her to interact with other anorexics in a group setting.

  But she doesn't want treatment for the anorexia, only for depression.   

I believe some of the meds for depression are used for anorexia.  So, if she agrees to get treatment for depression, that is a good thing.  How long has she been on antidepressants?  Probably need to make sure she takes the meds well in advance of a purging cycle.

If she can stay on the antidepressants long enough to gain some benefit, she may be open to learning some coping skills and more healthy ways to self soothe.

The reality is, if she doesn't agree to start eating, tube feeding might be the only thing to save her. 

[JoeBPD81]

Hi, thanks for your answers.

Yes, the therapist is aware of her anorexia (and anyone who sees her),  she was given the choice to start therapy, or inpatient, and she just started, she's had only 3 sessions so far, and her therapist came up with BPD already.

She's been talking meds, a very low dosis, just at night, to sleep. She was prescribed  3 pills a day, and she talks 1. She was prescribed anti depressants, but she didn't take them. Sadly, she doesn't trust they would make her hungrier, or even whether the pills have calories. She knows that is immature and "crazy", but she can't help it, so she feels a lot of self hate.

I struggle with asking for inpatient treatment every day. Most days she manages to eat at night enough to not become sticker, and she almost never purges, and she did all that out of her own will, and because she cares for the kids and me. I'm proud she found a way, at lasts to stop this illness from killing her... .Most of the time. And I feel that should be rewarded.

I have no legal pull over them. She's just my girlfriend, and the kids are from a previous marriage. She fears she could lose custody of the kids, if her mental health is know. They live with me, because they have no support from her family  I'm also in a support group for Eating Disorders, and the tools for support are very similar to the ones here.

[JoeBPD81]

I usually write with the phone, and later I see how the auto-correct made its evil work:

"... .3 pills a day, and she TAKES 1"
"... .  eat at night enough to not become SICKER"