can't help but think that i am the crazy one

[roberto516]

Right now I feel like I am the crazy one. I read all these posts about the ex trying desperately to reach out to recycle. And she did do that before. But the last 2 fights I was the one who ended up begging to be taken back. And the past month I was the one begging, and making all these promises.

She's probably going to her therapist and saying "yeah he's probably trying to manipulate and guilt you back." Which in ways I am.

This thought just entered my head though and I didn't want to react on it in anyway before sharing it.

I mean she's doing all these fun things for herself, and if an outside observer was watching they'd think I"m nuts. But I guess it's not understandable if not in this situation. Where they promise and show you so much love only to become self-centered over time and just cut you out. I don't know. Just rambling.

[once removed]

self awareness is a great catalyst for change.

youre aware of these things. youre confronting them. all things you can learn from.

im not sure it helps to view yourself or your ex as "the crazy one". these were messy, immature relationships. we all did things we arent proud of during and after the relationship, as did our exes. we dont want to minimize our contributions - it doesnt help to beat ourselves up either.

youre hurting, and reacting to the pain, trying different methods of reversing it. some of them are compounding it, and the feelings of rejection.

what will help? healthy self soothing methods. sitting with your feelings, overwhelming as they may be. giving yourself permission to grieve. knowing that no matter how great the pain is, it will pass. the mindfulness tool i shared with you yesterday is a great way to achieve this.