ExBPD Wants an Advocate for S12s IEP

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am preparing for an IEP meeting for our S12.  Over the last three years S12 has, been suspended four times in a spring semester, been relocate to a new elementary school, suspended twice, then moved on to the middle school where things have been "ok."  Over the last two months S12s behavior, attention seeking behavior in particular, has spiraled to the point school wants to revisit his IEP prematurely.  The behaviors, some bordering on bullying, pushing a girl, telling classmates they are stupid or idiots, distracting group working sessions, making loud sounds during class, entering class loudly and dropping his books on the floor, etc.  He can't keep track of his homework so his mother does that for him.  There is PAS as well on top of everything else.

So now school wants this meeting.  Ex, who is a HS teacher, initiates a conversation with an advocate.  Of course she does this and tells me, rather than discussing, first.  I read up on the advocate and she specializes in representing gifted children.  S12 is in the gifted program.

Over the years I/we have tried many different therapists, therapies and nothing has worked.  Ex has always lurked in the background manipulating S12 to her side, having inappropriate conversations with him about school personnel, etc.  This has played a big factor (adverse) in S12s behavior in school.  For a two year period we had Wraparound Services which ex did not participate in leaving me alone trying to benefit from these services.  In the end, the wraparound people terminated the services vowing that the services were of no benefit due to the fact that only one parent was participating.

I am against the advocate for the above reason and feel the advocate is not hat this child needs and I don't feel that ex will be able to make any benefit of additional help because she wants it her way all the time.  Since she is always irrational and without contact in reality I feel this is hopeless.  Additionally, the behaviors are not things that I feel an IEP or an advocate can address.  Everything in S12s makeup stems from the dynamic surrounding one parent who is denying having her own mental illness.

This may in fact be another attempt of ex to set me up to be the fall guy.  She knows I will oppose using an advocate and that may become the reason for S12s poor development, "that Dad did not support use of an advocate."

I am asking for advice on how to respond.  Anything I will say other than "yes" will be construed as not supporting S12.         

[scraps66]

I am preparing for an IEP meeting for our S12.  Over the last three years S12 has, been suspended four times in a spring semester, been relocate to a new elementary school, suspended twice, then moved on to the middle school where things have been "ok."  Over the last two months S12s behavior, attention seeking behavior in particular, has spiraled to the point school wants to revisit his IEP prematurely.  The behaviors, some bordering on bullying, pushing a girl, telling classmates they are stupid or idiots, distracting group working sessions, making loud sounds during class, entering class loudly and dropping his books on the floor, etc.  He can't keep track of his homework so his mother does that for him.  There is PAS as well on top of everything else.

So now school wants this meeting.  Ex, who is a HS teacher, initiates a conversation with an advocate.  Of course she does this and tells me, rather than discussing, first.  I read up on the advocate and she specializes in representing gifted children.  S12 is in the gifted program.

Over the years I/we have tried many different therapists, therapies and nothing has worked.  Ex has always lurked in the background manipulating S12 to her side, having inappropriate conversations with him about school personnel, etc.  This has played a big factor (adverse) in S12s behavior in school.  For a two year period we had Wraparound Services which ex did not participate in leaving me alone trying to benefit from these services.  In the end, the wraparound people terminated the services vowing that the services were of no benefit due to the fact that only one parent was participating.

I am against the advocate for the above reason and feel the advocate is not hat this child needs and I don't feel that ex will be able to make any benefit of additional help because she wants it her way all the time.  Since she is always irrational and without contact in reality I feel this is hopeless.  Additionally, the behaviors are not things that I feel an IEP or an advocate can address.  Everything in S12s makeup stems from the dynamic surrounding one parent who is denying having her own mental illness.

This may in fact be another attempt of ex to set me up to be the fall guy.  She knows I will oppose using an advocate and that may become the reason for S12s poor development, "that Dad did not support use of an advocate."

I am asking for advice on how to respond.  Anything I will say other than "yes" will be construed as not supporting S12.         

[scraps66]

PS  I should also add that through all of this mother continues to find excuses for S12s behavior and provides little if inconsistent consequences.  Historically mother has been unable to levy consequences for S12s bad behaviors and at times has "rewarded" poor behaviors or ignored appropriate consequences in exchange to curry favor from S12.