private or unknown phone calls?

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Hi guys, new member trying to make sense of my ex.

Long story short we were together for 2 years and it was bliss, but near the end she started to seem detached for no reason. We had our first major fight when i didnt message her to let her k now when i was i was coming to meet up with her one night and i suspect that triggered her abandonment issue, she said she felt like ___ cause i didnt care to let her know. But i was fixing my car and told her i dont know when ill be done.

A week later she broke up with me and there was nothing i could do. So i left and a week later she wanted to talk. We met up and when on a date and it was all good but she said she didnt want to rush straight back into a relationship.

Things resumed like normal but then she slowly detached all together and was no longer even contacting me. He friends made her get tinder and i noticed new guys numbers on her phone which was odd cause she never talked to any guys in our 2 years together.

I said that i dont feel comfortable not being in a relationship with her but she said she doesn't want a relationship and shes not seeing anyone else... .

I called it quits and said its not working for me but she dragged me back in

Two nights later i called it quits for good and she said she was just being selfish and was sorry but she didnt want a relationship.

I've now been getting private phone calls from her every time i awnser she just hangs up after 5 seconds, does she feel ive abandoned her and is she just checking to see if im still there?
Why doesnt she actually call me or text me?
Are her rebounds relationships real if shes still trying to check on me?

[kooper]

Hi guys, new member trying to make sense of my ex.

Long story short we were together for 2 years and it was bliss, but near the end she started to seem detached for no reason. We had our first major fight when i didnt message her to let her k now when i was i was coming to meet up with her one night and i suspect that triggered her abandonment issue, she said she felt like ___ cause i didnt care to let her know. But i was fixing my car and told her i dont know when ill be done.

A week later she broke up with me and there was nothing i could do. So i left and a week later she wanted to talk. We met up and when on a date and it was all good but she said she didnt want to rush straight back into a relationship.

Things resumed like normal but then she slowly detached all together and was no longer even contacting me. He friends made her get tinder and i noticed new guys numbers on her phone which was odd cause she never talked to any guys in our 2 years together.

I said that i dont feel comfortable not being in a relationship with her but she said she doesn't want a relationship and shes not seeing anyone else... .

I called it quits and said its not working for me but she dragged me back in

Two nights later i called it quits for good and she said she was just being selfish and was sorry but she didnt want a relationship.

I've now been getting private phone calls from her every time i awnser she just hangs up after 5 seconds, does she feel ive abandoned her and is she just checking to see if im still there?
Why doesnt she actually call me or text me?
Are her rebounds relationships real if shes still trying to check on me?

[marti644]

Hi Kooper,
 
It probably is your ex but you can never be too sure.

Most of us have experienced this type of behavior. I got some phone calls and social media stalking accounts trying to add me for weeks after she discarded I me. It doesn't make sense and I wouldn't connect the behavior to whether the rebounds are real or not. She might be checking up on you. She might be messing with you. It could be your replacement, or one of her friends. You can never be too sure. Who knows what stories and lies have been told about you.

My advice is to block unknown numbers and don't answer anyone I don't know. Never add someone on social media you don't know and keep them away from your personal life. Best way to move on and keep yourself from getting paranoid or worse, recycled when your weak. I struggled for weeks with anxiety because of the strange contact behaviour. Over time I just think its sad.

[stimpy]

Yes, I think quite a few people have had this, me too.

Why?

I'm not sure, never will be. But I think it is a way of maintaining a connection, without all that difficult relationship stuff that most people actually deal with. It doesn't make sense... .why connect with someone who you've dumped, without actually making a direct contact with them.

It is very passive, and is best ignored. Welcome to the world of the disordered mind, and yes as Marti said, really it is just sad.

[Rayban]

Kooper

First off you did the right thing by walking away from somone who's on tinder and receiving calls from other guys. Then she dissapeares for weeks, comes back and says she doesn't want a relationship.

She's right she is selfish.  She wants to be with other people, but keep you around as an orbiter to be around when she needs something.  Don't be that guy. Be proud of your decision to walk away with your self respect in tact.

I've read that the absolute worst thing for somone suffering with BPD is losing an attachment.  The private calls or facebook friend requests could be anything. Just be careful because by the looks of it she will drag you back in just to be the one to dump you.

[kooper]

Thanks guys,

i keep trying to move on and forget about her, but the private calls and her friends acting all wierd around me, like snooping in my conversations keep forcing me to have thoughts about her.

Shes only nearly 22 years old and i was her first real deep serious relationship so her friend's are convincing her to move on.

At what age do they start to realize theres something wrong with them and they want a supportive partner?

[JRT]

I used to get them all of the time... .phone calls from odd numbers... .always spoofed so there was no way of knowing who called... .the funny thing is that they knew when I was on vacation and stopped when I was gone and resumed when I returned (called ID on my land line was the testament)... .I agree with others and articles that i have read: it is a (strange) way of maintaining a connection.

[SummerStorm]

For several weeks, I kept getting calls from an unknown/unavailable number, sometimes multiple times a day.  Now, I was in contact with my BPD friend at the time (and still am), so I was a bit hesitant to assume that it was her.  I casually mentioned to her, in a text, that I had been getting calls from an unknown number.  She said something about it probably being a telemarketer, but wouldn't you know it, after that conversation, I stopped getting those calls.  Maybe it wasn't really her.  It's hard to tell.  What I do know is that her mom once got a call from an unknown number during a period of time when they were not in contact.  She looked it up, and it was from the town where my BPD friend's boyfriend at the time lived.  And when we were not in contact for a few months, I got friend requests from "people" who had no information on their Facebook page and with whom I shared no friends.  After we resumed our friendship, that stopped, and I haven't gotten any weird friend requests since.

[luna_baby]

I went through the same thing, calls from private numbers, anonymous gifts in the post, messages from fake email accounts. I think it was just him trying to keep some kind of contact with me, he was weaning himself off his attachment .