Is love bombing pretty normal in the beginning of all relationships?

[mar356]

Hello,

Got out of my unBPDex relationship 3 months ago.  :)ating a new girl, seems pretty normal so far.  I did notice in my last year of dating a lot of women in the first few weeks "love bomb" and start making future plans. Is this something to be worried about or is this pretty common?

[formflier]

Yes... .very common at the start of a relationship... .any relationship.

Whether or not it is a   you would have to put it in perspective. 

It's one thing to say to a new person that they are great... .best thing ever... .lovey dovey.  That's all fine and good... authentic feelings.   

It's another thing to say "you complete me... I'm nothing without you... .you have saved me from destruction... .my life was completely empty and now it is completely full... .  etc etc.

Even if you hear the second stuff... .slow things down... .let them know you appreciate the words and are interested in listening more.  What does that mean for them... .focus on listening and understanding their feelings.

Again... .one or two statements of the second category are probably fine... .especially if they have context they can give you.  But it if seems like  "all" they want to say to you is the second stuff... .then I would raise a 

Also... .if they are ok with you saying back to them that you value and like them... .but you don't reciprocate with "your the best ever... .never had anyone like you... .etc etc"... .then that's a good sign.  If they "demand" that you match their words... .that's not emotionally healthy. 

Everyone gets to have their own feelings... and gets to have those feelings listened to, respected and valued.


FF

[once removed]

idealization is very normal. "love bombing", as formflier said, needs to be put into perspective. if it feels like too much too soon to you, then theres a conflict.

[mar356]

"Even if you hear the second stuff... .slow things down... .let them know you appreciate the words and are interested in listening more.  What does that mean for them... .focus on listening and understanding their feelings."

"Also... .if they are ok with you saying back to them that you value and like them... .but you don't reciprocate with "your the best ever... .never had anyone like you... .etc etc"... .then that's a good sign.  If they "demand" that you match their words... .that's not emotionally healthy." 

Everyone gets to have their own feelings... and gets to have those feelings listened to, respected and valued.

Sounds good. I plan on taking it slow and the second part is very clever. Thank you for the insight.


FF
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[Grey Kitty]

Idealization and mirroring are very normal at the start of a relationship. Even healthy.

For that matter, so is letting your mind wander a bit and imagining a future with this person.

Last time I checked, "love bombing" is by definition, taking this normal thing to an unhealthy level.

A healthy person will hold back from the crazy stuff and not plan a life together, or talk about the names of your future children in the first few weeks!

BTW, I try to think about whether it is healthy, rather than whether it is normal--there are enough messed up people out there that the average one may not be all that healthy!

[Duped 1]

The love bombing i experienced from my exBPD was far more over the top and intense than anything I had ever experienced. Major red flag