I left = I am a scapegoat = I feel guilty

[SettingBorders]

I took a break from my 7 year relationship with my high functional BPD boyfriend nearly two weeks ago. We have a baby together and we see each other more or less every other day. These days I bite my tounge very often because I want to keep things from escalating. It's so important he doesn't have the feeling that I take his daugther from him.

In the beginning I was surprised how well he took it. Now his condition is worsening every day. In his opinion, it's my fault that we broke up. And my responsability to compensate any discomfort that comes with it. I spare you the details and explanations. It hurts so much. Because of cause there is a little truth in it: In the end I simply didn't want to continue and by keeping distance I have boycotted the relationship before I left. I feel guilty. I know this is normal and I know it's even so much more difficult to be the person who is left. I just don't know how to work through my feeling of guilt.

I have read on this board for quite a while and I know there are many people who were left by their BPD partner. Anyone who was the one who left first? What are your experiences with beeing scapegoated and feeling guilty?

[Freakedout66]

Hi. I left my BPD girlfriend and I feel like a piece of dirt. But I was so wiped out. I've left before only to return. We would have a month of good times and when I thought things were going great the stuff hit the fan. She blamed me for her actions. I got tired of being the bad guy. I probably didn't handle it as best I could but I told her that given how I made her feel she was better off without me.

I have a child (not with her) and I had to consider that my child deserves to see me at my best. The BPD drama got to be too much stress.

I've been told that I have to take care of myself too. It's not selfish.  It's  about creating boundaries and my right to be happy too.

[Eazie520]

Hello, while I have never done the leaving, I do understand the feelings of guilt.  I have been recycled too many times to count by my exbf. But I allow it due to feelings of guilt. I feel guilty for ignoring him when he comes back. I feel like I should be understanding of his illness.  And that's where the guilt comes in.  Right now I'm feeling tremendous guilt for ignoring him and walking away after seeing him at the gym.  But nothing I can do except focus On myself. It's hard but just seek out support to ease the feelings.

[earlyL]

I struggle hugely with guilt, I ended our relationship, because I caught her cheating and because she said she wanted to move out and be with other people. Now she is playing the victim and telling everyone that she is finding the break up really hard, despite the fact that she is with this new person. I don't know why but I constantly feel guilty, that if I had acted differently we would be together, and that is how she sees it. I just can't seem to let it go.

I think your situation is so different but I do think we both have followed our instincts, and guilt, shame and sadness are all part of the package that we are going to go through. I read your story before and it sounds to me like you have done the right thing and are sticking to your boundaries. I think somehow, and this is for me as well, we have to just acknowledge the guilt and ride it out.