school is asking for a meeting with T from hell

[soundofmusicgirl]

We got an email from SS`s special ed teacher saying that ss behavior has escalated in school. He is on an IEP.
The problems they describe are "paranoia" for lack of a better word. They say he feels threatened and bullied by everyone.
Another issue is that they are currently discussing state history and part of that is hunting and fishing. SS has been taught at home that fish are not food and it has escalated. He does eat meat and totally does not connect the dots between hunting and him eating meat. So he continually gets hung up on the fact that no animals and fish should be killed.

The special ed teacher is now asking my husband for his signature and permission to have a collaborative meeting with T from Hell.

DH is sending an email saying that he believes part of ss´s paranoia stems from being the "all bad child" at home (of course he uses different words to describe it). We are not sure wether we should agree to this meeting as T from hell is not only heavily biased towards my DH but also to this ss. She has marked him in a report as being a danger to others in school (which this special ed teacher has already said is not the truth). We are still fighting to get get T from hell to stop treating my SS´s and still believe that her treatment is not effective and helpful but rather harmful.
Now we are between a rock and a hard place as BPDxw has already agreed to have a collaborative meeting with T from Hell.

[DreamGirl]

Rock and a hard place indeed.

I'd allow it - only on the terms that you are allowed to be conferenced in (via phone or Skype or whatever).

We had a whole therapy session with my stepdaughter/mom/me/stepdaughter's therapist with my husband attending from a different state using FaceTime.

[bravhart1]

I would explain to the teacher that this T has been diagnosing SS without input from her or you and DH and that she may not be ethically sound, and unhelpful.

If she still wants to meet with T then at least you have voiced your concerns about her methods and unprofessional bias towards mom.

[soundofmusicgirl]

Thanks everyone. We did exactly that. We sent the special ed teacher a message saying that my DH gives permission to speak to T from hell but that he does not think she can help as she is very biased towards the child. He also said that if there is a meeting he will need to be part of that. BPDmom has usually requested seperate meetings. DH said that this will not be effective and everyone should sit together at the table for the well-being of ss. He also pointed out that T from hell is very biased towards him and me and has refused to communicate.

Special Ed teacher was very understanding. In fact she has called us and sent us emails twice since then sharing with us her approach and progress that she is making with ss. She said she has figured out a system that sets clear boundaries and expecations for ss and so far it is working. She says she may hold off on meeting with T from hell. Special ed teacher is compeltely on board with DH and has pointed out that she feels that ss behavior is learned.

DH and I have been reading the book: parenting a child that has intense emotions.
It is based on DBT skills. I have been re-reading it and it seems that the special ed teacher is practicing those skills to a t.