Welcome BPDGen2: My goodness you have had your hands full. I heard a quote today indicate, "Life is a series of problems for us to figure out". My goodness, you qualify as an
So my questions:
1. Where best to turn (sibling or parent forum) My situation is wrapped around both.
2. What do healthy boundaries look like for a young-adult of his age?
3. Any advice on multi-generational aspect?
1. You can learn about boundaries and communication skills on both boards. Since, your biggest concern is in regard to a parenting situation with your nephew, I'm thinking that the Parenting Board is a good place to move this post to. I'm thinking you can post on both boards. When you want to zero in on issues with your brother, and want the perspective of others with sibling problems, then you can post certain questions/issues on that board.
2. What are some of the issues around which you want to set boundaries for your nephew? (i.e. what are some of the current problem behaviors and issues)
3. I'm thinking that the boundaries and skills used might be similar for both of them. The specific boundaries might differ between you nephew and your brother. One communication skill might prove better for one versus the other.
Even though rationally I know my Brother is not responsible, I feel that old tinge of his manipulation through the disfunction of his kiddo, who has inherited dad's talent for pushing my buttons and all boundaries I set. It's been a rough couple of weeks and I think DN and I are laying the limits (ground-rules) for the relationship between us as he becomes an adult.
The important thing to remember in regard to boundaries is that they are for you and you are the one who needs to consistently enforce them. They will be tested and they won't be liked. If you aren't consistent in enforcement, then they will either be less effective or not effective at all.
We look forward to hearing more of your story.