BPD ex refuses to move on

[keeping strong]

Hi. After 6 years with my BPD gf, during which time she lost her kids after stabbing me and going to prison (blaming change in meds for the attack), her behaviour became once again physically threatening despite promises that it would never happen again. My health became compromised with anxiety and so with support from my doc and abusive relationship agencies, I left without warning and went into protective housing. The backlash was swift and venomous, with threats against all and sundry, including a memorial tree planted in my mothers memory. I maintained where possible a no contact policy, particularly when it became clear that the only way I would have my goods returned was face to face at my new location. Not likely. Anyway, 7 months on, I still get random contact from 'unknowns' which is designed to provoke an emotional response. I have been told that she was found dead from a suspected overdose and that the aforementioned tree was no more and "better luck with the next one". I just want to move on with life and deal with the issues I have as a consequence of the relationship and the abuse I sustained therein. Why won't she just get over it?

[infjEpic]

Hi. After 6 years with my BPD gf, during which time she lost her kids after stabbing me and going to prison (blaming change in meds for the attack), her behaviour became once again physically threatening despite promises that it would never happen again. My health became compromised with anxiety and so with support from my doc and abusive relationship agencies, I left without warning and went into protective housing. The backlash was swift and venomous, with threats against all and sundry, including a memorial tree planted in my mothers memory. I maintained where possible a no contact policy, particularly when it became clear that the only way I would have my goods returned was face to face at my new location. Not likely. Anyway, 7 months on, I still get random contact from 'unknowns' which is designed to provoke an emotional response. I have been told that she was found dead from a suspected overdose and that the aforementioned tree was no more and "better luck with the next one". I just want to move on with life and deal with the issues I have as a consequence of the relationship and the abuse I sustained therein. Why won't she just get over it?

Have you spoken to the police?
What legal options are available to you?
Is moving state/country an option?

Is 'going public' an option?

[Mutt]

Hi Keeping Strong,



I'd like to join infjEpic and welcome you to  bpdfamily. I can see how you'd fear your ex.

My health became compromised with anxiety and so with support from my doc and abusive relationship agencies, I left without warning and went into protective housing.

Did you get in touch with your Dr and abusive r/s agencies when you started receiving these calls? Have they helped you with an exit strategy? Did they walk you through scenarios when they assisted you with no contact?

[lovenature]

Why won't she just get over it?

Because it's all about attachments with a borderline; any attention she gets from you, doesn't matter how negative or boring it is, will show her an attachment is still in place.
Stay complete NC with her, I know it is painful but best overall.

[keeping strong]

Hello and thank you for your responses. With regard to police contact following the messages etc, I did contact them when I received the "... .was found dead of a suspected overdose" message to confirm that this was indeed the case. They were reminded why I had left her during conversations but the only action that was taken was to say that it had been a hoax. I asked if they had made contact with my ex after such a horrendous act but they said that was not part of their remit. I also advised the supporting agencies and whilst they empathised, they offered no preventative strategies other than to change phone numbers etc to deny her the opportunity for contact. I have done so. Legally,  proving that she was behind the awful messages and illicit purchase attempts etc would be difficult and I really do not have the appetite for yet more conflict. In terms of relocating, I  have done as best as I can, moving 40 miles away. Financially I am on my knees and further relocation is not possible. In addition, I was offered a security check on my rented property to maximise safety, but when my landlady was asked for permission to do certain security improvements, she soon after said she would not be renewing my tenancy in May 2017. Things are all a bit grim. My doctor has also changed practises and my surgery would not advise me of his new practise so that I could perhaps retain him as my GP. I feel my options and support are limited. The exit strategy was of my own design based on knowledge of my ex and the desperation she would employ to prevent me leaving. I have been told that she has been making threats and described me as a dead man walking, but the informants will not make a police statement to such effect. She also continues to wear the engagement ring every monthly anniversary of the date we got together. She has even told social services that I should continue to have contact with her son (in foster care) and should be invited to supervised face to face contact with him AND HER! Brilliant passive aggression. If I don't go, I am the bad guy who has deserted her boy etc etc and won't the world find out. I wouldn't let her near her son if it was my choice because she will just continue to lie and manipulate to preserve her image, despite the impact on him and anyone else. What a pickle.

[lovenature]

Stay total NC and do your best to take it one day at a time.