Feeling hate.

[ShadowA]

I'm starting to feel the emotion of hate for my ex.


I can't help but be upset that she never seems to take responsibility or held responsible for her actions.

Literally, everyone right now thinks I'm this creep, and that somehow she was only around me because I threatened her?

It is very chilling.

I honestly feel deep hate for her, because she did not have to throw me under a bus to go into a new relationship.
Yet she chose to do anyways, and is making me out to be a mental nutcase.
Now I have to deal with everyone thinking I'm messed up.
While she gets to have sympathy from everyone, new relationship, and everyone congratulating her for leaving me.

Not only this!
But there's is a chance that she may even actually believe it because she actually repeats the lies to herself non stop?
It's insanity!.

I have all the proof in the world that she is manipulating everyone into thinking I'm a horrible person and that her version of the story is completely false and delusional.
Yet no one would give me the time of day to hear my side, they just think I'm crazy.

It's very extremely annoying.

I want good term separation not 'this'.
What is 'this'.


She even manipulated me asking if I could have closure into me harassing her, Because I thought perhaps maybe she ain't BPD. and after months... Just maybe... She can tell me why she ditched me out of nowhere and didn't even talk to me at all.

But no!... .no... . 

What's entertaining and is beyond bizaar. Is she says we haven't talked for 2 years as well. Which... .Doesn't make sense with the rest of her story... .But despite the obvious contradictions... .
People eat it up.

Said why would he ask for closure after 2 years, It's creepy!... That she gave me closure 2 years ago?
That she hasn't talked to me for 2 years.
I never got closure! She randomly dissapeared and started smearing me!
We were literally hanging out everyday a few months ago?

I'm blown away...
Complete shell shocked.
Because I literally have eye witnesses that she was with me ALL the time...


I literally feel like I'm in bizarro world.
I can't help but feel hate for her for doing this.
But also envy at how well she plays everyone and is doing completely fine.
While I have to suffer a heartbreak, and! her consequences.
How can she play everyone so well with obvious contradictions?

[Larmoyant]

Hi ShadowA,

I’d be pretty angry if someone did this to me. I can imagine the frustration you must feel with all the contradictions. Not everyone will believe what she says. Others will likely pick up on the discrepancies. Sounds like she had to have a scapegoat (you)for her feelings of guilt leaving you high and dry and moving onto the new relationship. You know the truth, people who care and love you know the truth. WE know the truth. Keep hold of that. 

[ShadowA]

Hi ShadowA,

I’d be pretty angry if someone did this to me. I can imagine the frustration you must feel with all the contradictions. Not everyone will believe what she says. Others will likely pick up on the discrepancies. Sounds like she had to have a scapegoat (you)for her feelings of guilt leaving you high and dry and moving onto the new relationship. You know the truth, people who care and love you know the truth. WE know the truth. Keep hold of that. 

Thanks for replying.
It's difficult.
I seem to go from hate, to pitying, to hate again.
That's what I figured too, that it's all in effort to avoid guilt and shame.

It's just so asinine that I can't help but wonder if she truly believes it?
She always had memory issues but... .erasing 2 years?
Saying she gave me closure many times?
Would be cool to see inside her head, if she truly believes it.

[marti644]

Hi Shadow,

It's hard I know. The mudslinging is so painful and so undeserved. You have every right to be angry. It is very unfair and you do not deserve to be treated like that. This is why you need to get away from her. It's not healthy for you.

Although none of us were perfect in our relationship with our BPD-exes she is likely projecting her own flaws onto you. This is common with the disorder. Over time I've realized that I can't take it personally (this takes allt of time not easy). My ex told me I was too mentally ill to have a real relationship. She was talking about herself I realize now. She told me I didn't care about her. In her rage, it was her who didn't care about me. When she called me a liar she was talking about herself.

It's tough but when you replace "you" with "I" as I just saw in another insightful post you see that they are talking about themselves.

Hang in there. And don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't know about the disorder. It's complicated and difficult to understand.