Very upset

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi I've supported my family member in the past and she just rely's on me. I've recently got a few friends through where I go to a local gym . The family member in question embarrassed me on my birthday. Because I couldn't go out with her the other day (day before pay day) she sent me the most horrible text anyone has ever sent me. I'm just supposed to just take this abuse am I? Please advise ? I haven't spoken to her since.

[SeannaMay]

Hi I've supported my family member in the past and she just rely's on me. I've recently got a few friends through where I go to a local gym . The family member in question embarrassed me on my birthday. Because I couldn't go out with her the other day (day before pay day) she sent me the most horrible text anyone has ever sent me. I'm just supposed to just take this abuse am I? Please advise ? I haven't spoken to her since.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome SeannaMay:    

I'm sorry about the situation with your family member.  This is a safe place to share.  Is this family member a sibling?

I've supported my family member in the past and she just rely's on me.

In what ways does your family member rely on you?

I'm just supposed to just take this abuse am I?

No, you aren't.   It can be helpful to set BOUNDARIES, Boundaries are for your own welfare and protection and it is up to you to enforce them consistently. Have you gotten abusive text messages in the past?  What other disturbing behaviors does your family member exhibit?

We look forward to hearing more of your story.  

[SeannaMay]

She is my cousin. She says I am the only person she has which isn't true, she has her sister, mum and support team. She actually said once that I was the only person stopping her from suicide. That put me under a lot of pressure and stress. I just want to have a life, I don't think that's too much to ask. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. What would she have done if I had been married or in a relationship? I have recently made new friends and I invited her to meet them, which turned out horribly as she just didn't give them a chance! I'm 41 and I look back over 10 years and I think what have I actually done for me not much and that has to change. I don't care if other people have a problem with it. I'm done.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi again SeannaMay:  

I'm 41 and I look back over 10 years and I think what have I actually done for me not much and that has to change. I don't care if other people have a problem with it. I'm done.

You go girl!    You own your life.  Put the past behind you and look forward.  

Is it possible that you might be a bit codependent? (possible reason for being a caretaker for your cousin)

Are there some other things you want to change in your life?

[SeannaMay]

Hi I don't think I co-dependant I just tried to help her and this is how she thanks me. I feel as if I should just put up with it because of her issues but why should I?
But then I'm accused of not understanding! I can't win. I always felt as if I couldn't be myself when around her and always watching what I said just in case I said the wrong thing. I'm still very upset

[Fie]

Hello SeannaMay and welcome here !

I know how it is to have a BPD family member. A lot of females in my family have it.

Do you have the feeling you have put your own life on hold for the sake of your cousin ?

xx

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi I don't think I co-dependant I just tried to help her and this is how she thanks me. I feel as if I should just put up with it because of her issues but why should I?
But then I'm accused of not understanding! I can't win. I always felt as if I couldn't be myself when around her and always watching what I said just in case I said the wrong thing. I'm still very upset

SeannaMay:   
Nothing wrong with taking a break from someone.  Some people go back and forth between no contact (NC) and limited contact (LC).   Take some time to think about some  BOUNDARIES. You can decide to NOT rescue her.  If you go to LC, perhaps, you only meet her in situations where you can easily leave when things start going wrong. 

You might try to be careful to NOT INVALIDATE.  Don't invalidate by word, expression or body language. When possible, you might want to try to offer her validation of her feelings.  You don't want to validate any invalid facts.  You don't even need to understand her feelings, but sometimes, just acknowledging the feelings can be beneficial.

Perhaps just step back and take some time to take care of yourself?  Put thoughts of your cousin out of your find for awhile.

[SeannaMay]

She has blocked me anyway so she must know she's done wrong. She's set me back in my own recovery so I hope she's proud of herself. I am down as her next of kin but I'm going to phone up her support network and change that asap. I still can't believe she has sent me such vile poison :/

[SeannaMay]

@Fie I do feel as if I've put my life on hold and I just can't do it anymore! I've got enough problems of my own at the moment and I just haven't got the strength