Mixed Messages

[daverisk]

So, my wife and I are separated for over a month now, with the intention of reconciling in the (near?) future.  One of her complaints about me was that I would send her a FB Message every morning at 8AM right before I started work... .never the same message, but always the same theme.  She says this was boring and annoying.  A mutual friend suggested it would be like here sending me a boob shot every day... .exciting at first... .but then boring.

Anyhow, I've not been messaging her much while she's out of the house.  This morning I get  a message from her asking ïs something wrong?" When I asked her why she replied that I hadn't messaged her either last night or this morning.  I told her I was trying to give her space.

I suppose that's part of the push-pull associated with BPD.  I'd love to point out the irony to her... .but won't.  Darned if I do and darned if I don't.  Any advice on handling this?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[isilme]

Overall I don't really see what there is to handle.  You altered the dynamic, she noticed.  So where do you want to go from here?  The whole separation is a push-pull.  This is just one more "symptom". 

Do you want to send her messages?  Do they reassure you?  Does she usually on a good day respond in a way that is positive?  Or are you simply checking in with her to guage her emotional state?

I am on a messenger all day with H, that includes channels we share with friends.  We don't have set times we message, but I do tend to send him a funny animal pic, partly to see how his morning is going.   Or I may post to the group channels that H will see, for the same reason.  It's also the way he likes to let me know when he is able to head to lunch and leave for the day, and I use it to let him know if I will be out of contact or detained.

Messaging, though, can be strange.  If a pwBPD can misread things you say in-person, you can see how dicey messages left to be interested solely on your written word run through the filter of their heads can be.