Levels of BPD are there?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ok, my story is on here already and this past weekend, well during my learning time while wife was at work, I had a thought. 

Are there layers to the levels of BPD that is found within people?

I believe I am dealing with such an extreme level of BPD and at this stage, I am in full blown education mode.  I am trying to ease my mind after reading so much on here, it has been hard being on the fence, should I stay, should I go.  It is a constant tug-of-war that can really harm a persons mind, body and spirit.  For my own mental health, I have decided to stay and learn, but by no means is that a set in stone decision.  My interaction below will be an example of why I have to decide, what is best, how to communicate better, etc.

Let me be a tad bit more clear.

Why I feel it is extreme here for me.

My wife has been drawn to the bible and Born Again Christian Faith, in large part her two Grandparents who went that course away from Catholicism, many years ago.  My wife raised Catholic but found her faith about 10 years ago.  I am a believer myself, but I also know Jesus is not walking in my front door with an ATM card or wearing his Doctor gear, now I know there are miracles.  But not here.  She has many spots in her bible where it talks about Man who raises up against me, or Men will fall by your side. You get the jist here.  I feel she is using certain words, phrases to help calm her mind, but also validate her THOUGHS and VIEWS of me as her husband.  TO use the bible to cement your ANTI-Husband approach is just very odd to me.  Again, I am not really doing anything wrong here and my story below will summarize:

Weekend: Wife works, I am home with our young child.

I spend the weekend, cleaning whole house, mopping floor, disinfecting stuff at baby level, dishes, bathtub scrub, toilet scrub, separated the giant pile of clothes into her giant, mine are now folded, took the baby for 2 walks, did laundry, etc...   Had a nice meal made Saturday Night: Steak, Potatoes, Steamed vegs, Garlic Bread.  Saturday, we barely speak, but she walks in being gone about 10 hours, the boy is excited to see her, but she will not just sit, take the time to be near him, she has to shower, she has to eat, she gives him the tablet, then she gives him milk, then he must brush teeth and head to bed.  Which I put him to bed, I am done asking her to put him to bed, she does everything she claims.  In the past I pleaded with her to take him to bed, lay with him, get rest and have him fall asleep, she refuses. 

Sunday night when she comes home, I have Cocunut(Thai) Mixed Vegs with Rice for us, Pasta for him getting ready.  I left my keys in the door to take dog for a walk.  Here is the FIRE WORKS.

I know she puts my keys in her GIANT purse, so I ask her for the keys.  She is INSTANTLY angry, claiming she tossed them to me, I know she did not. I ask her to look, she says under her breathe, this is a CHAOS home, I say, excuse me, we had a fun day, nothing chaos here except what you are bringing to the table, which is anger and hostilities.  So I walk to the door, learning new stuff on here, I come back as her to look again, this time, she stands up NEARLY in tears, saying she just wants to eat, she is tired from work etc.  Mind you, I can never play this card.  She eventually finds the keys in her purses. 

A normal person would say, OH MY BAD, HERE THEY ARE RIGHT HERE.

In her situation, all she does is toss them on the floor and they skid to me, I say oh there they are, she says nothing.  Very disrespectful.  I honestly do not think she has it in her to seek healing, to NC her abusers of her youth.

I know she has BPD due to three family members sharing with me, but she refuses to say she does, she will say, Jesus gave me a sound mind.  Or that she is perfectly fine.  But she will also claim, I do not know her, I do not get her,  WELL OF COURSE cause she will not let me in fully and honestly.

But how can one get somebody who is INTEGRATED into the bible, Jesus like my wife to realize, no, there is something wrong, you have to address this or this will continue on for the rest of your life.

On top of that, she is angry at me cause she feels I do not care about her, cause I refuse to give her massages.  If up to her, I would rub her for an hour a day and I would lucky to have boiled pasta for dinner, or a clean home after work.  I stop in large part the relationship was a one way highway, her way and I was barely riding comfortable if at all.

So, I took PSY classes in college, all I remember is Skinner was terrifying and spooky.

Now, I wish I had paid attention, for I am in full blown learning.  Now I have to ask, jeez, if no babies are tied, no binds that ties a couple together, why in the world would someone want this life style.

I am curious if BPD is recognized has having different levels, etc.

[Lost in Desert]

Ok, my story is on here already and this past weekend, well during my learning time while wife was at work, I had a thought. 

Are there layers to the levels of BPD that is found within people?

I believe I am dealing with such an extreme level of BPD and at this stage, I am in full blown education mode.  I am trying to ease my mind after reading so much on here, it has been hard being on the fence, should I stay, should I go.  It is a constant tug-of-war that can really harm a persons mind, body and spirit.  For my own mental health, I have decided to stay and learn, but by no means is that a set in stone decision.  My interaction below will be an example of why I have to decide, what is best, how to communicate better, etc.

Let me be a tad bit more clear.

Why I feel it is extreme here for me.

My wife has been drawn to the bible and Born Again Christian Faith, in large part her two Grandparents who went that course away from Catholicism, many years ago.  My wife raised Catholic but found her faith about 10 years ago.  I am a believer myself, but I also know Jesus is not walking in my front door with an ATM card or wearing his Doctor gear, now I know there are miracles.  But not here.  She has many spots in her bible where it talks about Man who raises up against me, or Men will fall by your side. You get the jist here.  I feel she is using certain words, phrases to help calm her mind, but also validate her THOUGHS and VIEWS of me as her husband.  TO use the bible to cement your ANTI-Husband approach is just very odd to me.  Again, I am not really doing anything wrong here and my story below will summarize:

Weekend: Wife works, I am home with our young child.

I spend the weekend, cleaning whole house, mopping floor, disinfecting stuff at baby level, dishes, bathtub scrub, toilet scrub, separated the giant pile of clothes into her giant, mine are now folded, took the baby for 2 walks, did laundry, etc...   Had a nice meal made Saturday Night: Steak, Potatoes, Steamed vegs, Garlic Bread.  Saturday, we barely speak, but she walks in being gone about 10 hours, the boy is excited to see her, but she will not just sit, take the time to be near him, she has to shower, she has to eat, she gives him the tablet, then she gives him milk, then he must brush teeth and head to bed.  Which I put him to bed, I am done asking her to put him to bed, she does everything she claims.  In the past I pleaded with her to take him to bed, lay with him, get rest and have him fall asleep, she refuses. 

Sunday night when she comes home, I have Cocunut(Thai) Mixed Vegs with Rice for us, Pasta for him getting ready.  I left my keys in the door to take dog for a walk.  Here is the FIRE WORKS.

I know she puts my keys in her GIANT purse, so I ask her for the keys.  She is INSTANTLY angry, claiming she tossed them to me, I know she did not. I ask her to look, she says under her breathe, this is a CHAOS home, I say, excuse me, we had a fun day, nothing chaos here except what you are bringing to the table, which is anger and hostilities.  So I walk to the door, learning new stuff on here, I come back as her to look again, this time, she stands up NEARLY in tears, saying she just wants to eat, she is tired from work etc.  Mind you, I can never play this card.  She eventually finds the keys in her purses. 

A normal person would say, OH MY BAD, HERE THEY ARE RIGHT HERE.

In her situation, all she does is toss them on the floor and they skid to me, I say oh there they are, she says nothing.  Very disrespectful.  I honestly do not think she has it in her to seek healing, to NC her abusers of her youth.

I know she has BPD due to three family members sharing with me, but she refuses to say she does, she will say, Jesus gave me a sound mind.  Or that she is perfectly fine.  But she will also claim, I do not know her, I do not get her,  WELL OF COURSE cause she will not let me in fully and honestly.

But how can one get somebody who is INTEGRATED into the bible, Jesus like my wife to realize, no, there is something wrong, you have to address this or this will continue on for the rest of your life.

On top of that, she is angry at me cause she feels I do not care about her, cause I refuse to give her massages.  If up to her, I would rub her for an hour a day and I would lucky to have boiled pasta for dinner, or a clean home after work.  I stop in large part the relationship was a one way highway, her way and I was barely riding comfortable if at all.

So, I took PSY classes in college, all I remember is Skinner was terrifying and spooky.

Now, I wish I had paid attention, for I am in full blown learning.  Now I have to ask, jeez, if no babies are tied, no binds that ties a couple together, why in the world would someone want this life style.

I am curious if BPD is recognized has having different levels, etc.

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[isilme]

It's a spectrum disorder, and people fall in different places along the spectrum, so yes.  Just like things like autism have different levels of effect, so does BPD.

And, just like a person with a decent temperment can lose thier temper when feeling really poorly or stressed, a person woth BPD who has been on somewhat even footing, not raging, not gaslighting, and acting overall "normal" for months, can fall into the rabbit hole if they arefaced with something that triggers it.  They may not get as mad as the past, (or they might).  I'ts all very subjective, which is one reason it seems to hard to treat. 

Some people show their BPD at that time fo the month.  Some only when they are stressed, tired, and sick.  Some are so badly adjusted to amanging their emotions they do it every day. 

As for the Bible and cherry-picking quotes.  My insane father did this.  He loved quoting from Proverbs about how it's better to live under a leaking roof than with a quarreling woman.  I ahve his old Bible somewhere.  I was given it by my mother, as she was trying to prove she was the sane one and Dad was the one who was nuts.  It never occured to them that ehy were BOTH nuts.  Dad had all this stuff underlined, implying he was right in all things as long as he prayed about it and underlined things in the Bible.  He was God's representation on Earth as far as our family was concerned.  And in a health, Christian household, that is fine.  I've been wathcing Little House on the Prairie, and in that home, Charles Ingalls' faith is a benefit to his family.  My father used his faith as an excuse for beatings and neglect.  It's not true adherence to Christianity.  I don't know if you've ever read any of the Chronicles of Narnia, but C.S. Lewis says it best when his Christ-figure, Aslan, is asked about a non-Narnian who had always worshiped another deity his whole life being saved at the end, and others who'd claimed to serve Aslan but had been selfish and cruel not being saved.  And his reply was something like - all things done in good, no matter what name was used were done for me.  All things that were bad that were done, even if they were done claiming my name, were not for me and were for the dark deity. 

Just because someone claims they found their excuse for something in the Bible does not mean it is a Christlike application of the Word.  Maybe I should mail you my dad's Bible and you can have plenty of already hilited counter-quotes claiming the wickedness of women and rightful place of the man as in charge of the household to counter your W's scriptures.

Your W is simply using anything she feels validates her viewpoints, and ignoring anything that contradicts it. 

Good job getting your keys and going out, standing your ground without falling for the emotional maipulations.

In her situation, all she does is toss them on the floor and they skid to me, I say oh there they are, she says nothing.  Very disrespectful.  I honestly do not think she has it in her to seek healing, to NC her abusers of her youth.

Yes, a "normal" person would have gotten up, found the the keys and been like, "sorry, there were in my purse."  She's not "normal".  Also, at this time, she has no reason to seek healing, and to cut ties with her abusers.  If you choose to stay, it will be months and months of slowly working to heal YOU so your home dynamic is healthier for YOU and your son.  Regardless of what your W chooses to do day to day or forever. 

Now, I wish I had paid attention, for I am in full blown learning.  Now I have to ask, jeez, if no babies are tied, no binds that ties a couple together, why in the world would someone want this life style.

Because we ourselves are just damaged enough to connect with the person with BPD.  Because we may have grown up surrounded by drama and feel we deserve it, it's normal, or how things are supposed to be.  Because we may feel that "normal" people would not like us, date us, love us.  Because there IS a person under all that crazy out of control emotion that may still be able to be reached.  But the phone we are used to using is broken, and just electrocutes them when we try to communicate they way we are used to.  So we have to go find a carrier pigeon or smoke signals, a telegraph, and give that a try instead.  We may need to converse in binary instead of English.  (hoping the analogies of new types of communication is coming through).