Ex gf horror story

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi guys,

First of all I want to say thank you, this message board is really helping me recover from my ex gfs undiagnosed BPD.

My ex is 54, recently lost her job as a nurse for speeding, verbally abusive, heavy drinker, an STD, ex-slut 40+ partners. I am still haunted by her emotional abuse and got walked all over. There is one episode which still shocks me... .

It was towards the end of the breakup. We were not on good terms, she was stressed and drinking heavily. She always had a platonic friend (ex bf) who she used to drink with... .I was always uneasy about that.

One evening I went for a walk to her house, I noticed her car wasn't there. I walked down the road - I just had a gut feeling she was at his place. Her car was parked in the drive, I just couldn't believe it. This was 2am.

I went home, in a real state and went back around 3am. Her car was still there, but hanging on a car aerial opposite was a white bra. I rang her the next day and asked how long she's been sleeping with him. She just laughed 'I got really drunk, left at 1am.'

It got really messy the few times we spoke after this, she said I didn't believe her, 'it wasn't my bra' (it was). I realise now I was being gaslighted.

Thoughts please

[jambley]

Hi guys,

First of all I want to say thank you, this message board is really helping me recover from my ex gfs undiagnosed BPD.

My ex is 54, recently lost her job as a nurse for speeding, verbally abusive, heavy drinker, an STD, ex-slut 40+ partners. I am still haunted by her emotional abuse and got walked all over. There is one episode which still shocks me... .

It was towards the end of the breakup. We were not on good terms, she was stressed and drinking heavily. She always had a platonic friend (ex bf) who she used to drink with... .I was always uneasy about that.

One evening I went for a walk to her house, I noticed her car wasn't there. I walked down the road - I just had a gut feeling she was at his place. Her car was parked in the drive, I just couldn't believe it. This was 2am.

I went home, in a real state and went back around 3am. Her car was still there, but hanging on a car aerial opposite was a white bra. I rang her the next day and asked how long she's been sleeping with him. She just laughed 'I got really drunk, left at 1am.'

It got really messy the few times we spoke after this, she said I didn't believe her, 'it wasn't my bra' (it was). I realise now I was being gaslighted.

Thoughts please

[jambley]

Oh, and I burnt her 'imaginary' bra in my garden.

Made me feel quite good at the time 

[UnforgivenII]

We all have been lied to and cheated on. You are not alone
I have so many horror stories to share. Once he met an old and fat prostitute at the bus stop and they hugged each other and she laughed in my face. Or the Christmas lunch with his parents and his best female friend

[jambley]

Hi there, thank you for the hug and reply. Means a lot to me.

Some of the things they do are just so surreal, it's just really bizarre.

[Huh?]

That feeling in your gut when they are blatantly lying to you... .when reality doesn't matup to their emphatic gaslighting and projections... .your stomach drops, your heart races... .its a surreal feeling... .like time stops while your mind processes it all.  I hate that feeling.   

In my experience, when someone makes overly direct eye contact, or even goes as far as to say, "look in my eyes so you can see I'm telling you the truth"... .they are lying. 

On the other hand, if they go out of their way to avoid eye contact... .such as turning their back to you, keeping busy, can't stay still or flipping through a magazine while talking to you when you are questioning them... .they are lying.   

They lie as easily as if they were telling the truth.  It's a matter of survival for them, also a matter of delusion... .some actually believe their own lies and live in whatever reality their mind creates.

Good for you for figuring her out and getting out, it would only have gotten worse if you accepted her lies and tried to move forward in her world.

[jambley]

Trust is the most important thing I think. I often felt there was something about her I couldn't trust.

I agree with you about the body language signs of lying/manipulating you - they are all there if you know where to look.

[jambley]

I saw her in the supermarket around Xmas time with a new bf doing the groceries, in the alcohol aisle. It was so strange, he looked like a tramp - quite sure she was using him because she has no transport.

I have also found he is one of three people she has dated on a dating site. She's now with a farmer apparently. It is astonishing how quick these people latch onto new targets, very predatory behaviour.